Anna had turned a hundred years old but was still active. On her birthday, she prepared a meal for four people. She stood for most of the party and even showed us her favorite dance at church.

Out of curiosity, I asked her what makes her so healthy. Sheshe smiled and looked at the sky. Then she said, “I am God’s favorite daughter”. We all laughed. It was a mischievous response from the birthday girl.

For as long as I have known her, she has been farming her land and raising chickens. She is famous for walking everywhere. Whether she is going to the farm, attending church, fetching water, or visiting neighbours, she always walks.

She was famous for being the first one in church every morning. She was at the church every Sunday.

I remember hearing how she moved to this area, the same place where we were celebrating her birthday today. She travelled from Tabora, covering more than 760 kilometers to reach Kigamboni, Dar es Salaam to establish her new life.

She left a teaching career in Tabora to come and focus on agriculture and livestock farming in that area. Now Kigamboni is a town with plans to make it a satellite city, but when she came, it was a forest. Anyone who came first would claim ownership of the land as long as they made marks and boundaries.

I mentioned she cooked for us on her hundredth birthday. It wasn’t anything special; it was just her favourite daily meal. She served boiled sweet potatoes grown on her own farm for breakfast.

For lunch, she served steamed rice with beans. She sourced both from her farm and cooked them in her outdoor kitchen. We brought some soda and snacks, which she didn’t like.

Anna, my grandmother on my dad’s side, passed away three years later, a few months after turning 103 years old. They chose me to read her eulogy at the funeral. Everyone believed I was her favourite grandchild.

After the eulogy and my short speech, I recalled a question I asked her on her 100th birthday three years ago: “What’s your secret for a healthy life?”

At that moment I felt the answer “I am God’s favourite daughter” was cheesy, but it resonated with me. I researched health and realized that the oldest problems usually have time-tested solutions.

I believe the best things in life come in threes. So, I decided to break down the three pillars of health.

I think a healthy life needs balance in the body, mind, and spirit. This belief stems from my grandmother’s experience and others who age well around the world.

The body

The body is the vehicle that carries us through life. A weak body carries a weak life, a strong body carries a strong life. My grandmother was very strong for a hundred-year-old soul. She would still walk to church, cook, dance and stand for hours.

I learned three important things from my grandmother: how she moved, what she ate, and when she rested. Let’s focus on her specific routine, then look into the science behind her habits.

How we move shapes how we grow.

Biologically, an organ that is infrequently or inefficiently used will become weak. Our bodies were made to move. From the brain cells to the toes, there is mechanism for movement.

Moving the body boosts blood circulation, strength, metabolism, posture, mobility, energy, and mood.

My grandmother walked a lot. If she had a smartwatch, I’d bet that her steps would top 10,000 every day for years. She moved constantly from the moment she woke up until bedtime.

And she did all types of walking. She often walked while carrying weights, such as buckets of water for showering, feed for the chickens, dishes to wash, or farm produce to bring home.

She moved around a lot. She bent down to pick up things, danced in church, stretched her hands to grab fruits, and knelt while cooking.

All these activities helped her body stay strong, flexible and fit enough to walk without a supporting stick when she was a hundred.

Her lifestyle forced her to have those type of movements. Our ancestors lifestyle made them walk and run for long distance to hunt or farm. Dance during dinners. Carry weights during farming or harvesting.

Nowadays our lifestyle is different. We stay mostly in offices; comfortable chairs are our best friends. We commute to work by cars, motorcycles and buses. After work, we relax on couches watching TV before heading to bed.

We rarely engage in activities that would force us to walk or move frequently, unless our work is labour-intensive. This lifestyle causes several issues, like bad posture, being overweight, poor blood circulation, and a higher risk of disease.

And someone decided to solve our problem with a shortcut:the gym. We now view the gym as our primary way to stay active. The gym is fine, but it’s being marketed as if the only types of exercise are weightlifting or cardio.

This approach is more attractive because the changes are easy to see. For instance, when I first entered a gym in 2011 during my first year at the University of Dar es Salaam, I saw this first-hand.

I went there barefoot and wearing a football jersey, accompanied by my good friend Jabir. We were out of place. We saw men with big biceps, pumped chests and the kind of legs you only see in movies.

We saw pretty women wearing very tight shorts. They wore sports bras that made you wonder whether you were allowed to look at them in public.

After years of countless gym visits, I can sum up the secret to working out. It’s simple: find a way to move your body, just as my grandmother did.

The body grows when it’s outside the comfort zone. If you have never walked a few kilometres in your life, then start by walking until you get tired. Then the next day add a bit more distance. Do that until the distance feels easy.

Next, push yourself further. Start by walking on hills or mountains. Then, add weights or walk faster to increase the intensity.

You can do that anywhere. You don’t need a gym to achieve that. Our ancestors never had gyms, the world was their gym. Labour-intensive jobs like construction and agriculture tend to solve that problem.

If you work in an office, incorporate movement into your workday. Start by walking, increase the intensity. Once that feels easy, try running or carrying extra weight to keep challenging yourself.

Another part of how we move is stretching. If you’re in your thirties or older, you might notice that some movements become harder to do. You realize that it is becoming harder to bend, to kneel.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that touching your toes is an impossible feat. Or maybe that if you sit down and straighten your legs you can’t bend to reach them. Everything hurts, as if you’ve been hit by a train—your neck, back, shoulders, and thighs all ache.

All this is because you stopped moving your muscles. Muscles are like an elastic band. The more you stretch, the more flexible they become. The less you stretch, the stiffer they become.

When you wake up, find ways to stretch. Move all your body parts naturally. Kneel, crawl, bend, pull, push, and relax. The more you stretch, the more flexible you will be.

And in your old age, you will need this flexibility very much. Don’t be just another statistic or the person who slipped in the bathroom due to stiffness.

What we eat is the fuel for the body.

For the body to move, it needs fuel. What we eat and drink defines the quality of the fuel that we feed into our body. Good fuel will improve the efficiency of the body during its movement. Bad fuels will result in poor performance and in the long run, damage the body.

Most of my grandmother’s diet came from her farm. She had maize flour, rice, beans, vegetables, eggs, meat and spices around her. She ate the same diet as her ancestors.

And her cooking was as simple as it gets, mostly boiled. On rare occasions she would use cooking oil, which we brought to her.

If you own a car, you would not add fuel to it that was not meant to be used. You cannot use petrol for a diesel car despite both of them being fuel. You certainly would not use water in a petrol car.

The same goes for the body; it was not designed to consume certain foods and drinks to function properly. Yet humans have found a way to do just that, whether out of ignorance, addiction, or reasons we cannot explain.

Humans consume substances that affect the body every day, from processed foods to strong alcohol and cigarettes. And just like a car that would eventually break down after being filled with the wrong fuel, the body responds in kind.

Non-communicable diseases are the side effects of abusing the body. High blood pressure from too much alcohol and meat, or cancer from smoking, shows how the body responds to bad habits.

Our ancestors had simple diets, eating and drinking things they found in nature. Next time you shop or dine, ask yourself: what would your grandmother think of your dish?

Give your body the right fuel and it will perform well for you. If you are already regularly consuming unhealthy foods and drinks, do your best to have them in moderation.

When we rest influences how we perform

In all the years I have known my grandmother, she hasn’t liked us staying at her place late at night. She wanted to go to bed earlyand wake up early. She said her God used the sun as a guide for her life.

When the sun comes up she has to get up, and when the sun sets, she goes to sleep. Scientifically, there is evidence that our bodies function according to circadian rhythms. We function properly when we rise with the sun and rest at sunset.

If you can, do your best to follow nature. Wake up early, start your day. Wind up when the sun sets and go to sleep. That is the natural rest your body needs.

Yes, you can push a car to the maximum, day and night, on long drives; but at what cost? For how long?

Our bodies function in the same way; you can push them for days, weeks, or even months. But eventually, exhaustion will catch up and you will break. And that cost is too much to pay. You can repair and replace cars, but you can’t do that with our bodies.

Find ways to rest your body. Sleep when you can, at least seven to eight hours. Take breaks during high-intensity activities. Recharge and get away after finishing demanding long-term projects.

My grandmother went to bed early to ensure she had enough energy for the day. When it’s not the planting or harvesting season, she has less physical work. This helps her body rest and recover.

In summary, our bodies need movement, nutrients, and rest to work well for as long as possible. Pay attention to that, and you won’t worry about being unfit, overweight, or getting preventable diseases.

The mind

Our bodies are the vehicles that carry life inside them; the mind is how we interpret life.

There’s a well-known story about twins raised by an alcoholic father. As they grew up, they chose different paths. The first twin became an alcoholic. When asked why, he said, “My father was an alcoholic, what else did you expect?”

The second twin grew up hating alcohol. When asked why, he replied, “Because my father was an alcoholic. I didn’t like how he acted, how he treated us, or how he ruined his life.” “I didn’t want to be like him.”

Identical twins lived in the same home with the same father, but they had different outcomes. That is how the mind works. It shapes how we see the world, how we interpret events and , experience our own version of reality.

I heard a story about my grandmother’s first house burning down. The fire destroyed everything she had spent years building.

When her children offered to help her move to town for a fresh start, she said, “I will build a new house, set up new farms, and plan my crops again.” “I did it the first time; I can do it again.”

True to her word, she did exactly that. Until the day she died, she stayed on her lands. And they buried her on those lands. That was the power of her mindset.

The three key things about the mind are: clarity, discipline and peace.

Clarity

Clarity is the ability to see things as they are and embrace them. As mentioned earlier, different people can interpret the same situation differently. One person can see a six and another sees a nine depending on your perspective.

Put yourself in situations where you can see things clearly. This way, you’ll improve your perception and make better decisions.

Diverse environments and perspectives foster clarity.

Make it a habit to meet new people, visit different places, and seek diverse information sources like books. These habits will give you the tools to build clarity.

Discipline

The mind is a mischievous thing; it can be a master or a servant depending on how you use it. If you don’t do anything intentional, the mind will come up with some of the craziest things imaginable.

Discipline your mind regularly, and you can reach your goals. You’ll also enjoy life in inspiring ways. People will even call you a genius.

You need to be able to train your mind on what to think, when to think and how to process information. You need to assert control over your thought patterns.

If you let it run free, problems will find you. This includes addictions, laziness, worries, and fear. Most of life’s problems come from a lack of discipline.

Every problem caused by a lack of discipline stems from a failure to control the mind.

Peace

You have heard the saying “you need peace of mind in life”.”

Lack of clarity and discipline tends to create chaos in the mind. This makes life experience miserable.

Some people struggle to find peace in their relationships. They may lack clarity in choosing the right partners. They also need discipline to build and maintain healthy relationships. Sometimes, it’s important to let go of unhealthy ones too.

Some people lack peace of mind in their work and careers. This often happens because they didn’t get clear guidance when choosing jobs, businesses, or activities they spent years in. They also lack the discipline to change their professional direction.

Peace of mind is a result of clarity and discipline; do your best to cultivate both and you will harvest it.

Sadly, no one can bring you peace of mind. You have to build it for yourself.

Most of human problems come from the mind. Lack of clarity and discipline will always lead to lack of peace of mind. Learn to work on them and you will add a key tool to your life.

Your mindset shapes how you see life. To find peace of mind, you need clarity and discipline. This helps you interpret life in a way that’s right for you.

The spirit

This is a topic that is somewhat taboo for most people. Out of ignorance, manipulation and uncertainty, most people struggle with spiritual issues.

When my grandmother said, “I am God’s favourite daughter,” I felt church leaders had influenced her. It seemed she believed everything in life revolved around God. I have a lot of friends and relatives who make the topic of God annoying or suspicious.

I now realise that my grandmother was talking about the spiritual part of her health. My research revealed three key things: the meaning of life, aligning with that meaning, and believing in something greater.

Meaning

Life can mean anything to anyone; that is what makes it complicated. My grandma’s meaning and my meaning are like day and night. My meaning is different from yours. That is what makes it meaningful too.

In my quest to understand life’s meaning, I learned to pause and ask myself these questions:

Why am I here?

What is my life for?

What makes suffering worthwhile?

What is worth giving my life for?

I discovered the meaning of life by accepting that I must be my best self. I also aim to help others become their best selves during our short time here. My life is to serve, and it’s worth all the suffering it takes to do that.

Hearing a sibling, family member, friend, or even a stranger saying that I changed their life for the better brings me so much joy. Knowing this makes all my efforts worthwhile.

I have enjoyed reading stories since grade three at St Joseph Primary School. I have never stopped finding knowledge and applying it to my life. I have never stopped sharing it with the world any way I can.

I share knowledge through one-on-one conversations over lunch, long phone calls from miles away, or the internet. I do this via pictures, videos, audio, or any medium that emerges.

I never stopped doing that when I was in primary school, secondary school, university, or working at PwC. I didn’t stop when I launched my first startup, and I haven’t stopped now that I am an experienced entrepreneur.

This is my purpose. This gives my life meaning: being my best self and helping others do the same through stories and thought-provoking ideas. What is yours?

Take time out of your busy life and answer the questions:

Why am I here?

What is my life for?

What makes suffering worthwhile?

What is worth giving my life for?

If you don’t fix that, you’ll always feel something is missing, no matter what you achieve. You will have all the money in the world, the best family and friends, but when you go to sleep, you will feel empty.

You have spent years fitting into other people’s versions of the meaning of life. Someone told you to go to school, get the job and work until retirement, then die. Is that it for you?

You may have heard about a business opportunity that promises a lot of money. If you start it and it becomes profitable, how will you know when you have enough? What will you do with that wealth?

Someone said you should become a leader and accumulate power, and so you did. But then when will you know it’s enough power? What will you do after the power changes hands?

What you have, what you do, who you know, and where you are don’t define your life’s meaning. So, pause, reset, and ask yourself the big questions.

Why am I here?

What is my life for?

What makes suffering worthwhile?

What is worth giving my life for?

Once you answer that, you will quickly sort out what you do, with whom, and how. Life on its own has no meaning. You will need to find your own meaning and assign it to life. If you won’t, then someone will assign their meaning to you.

Alignment

If figuring out meaning is the first step, then living your life by that meaning is the next.

The first problem in life is living without establishing the meaning of our lives. The second problem is knowing that purpose but not living up to it.

Many people find meaning in life by serving their community. This can happen through business, community work, religion, or politics. But most people are employed. They never quit to pursue that meaning for a lot of reasons. And they hate Mondays when they go to work.

Many entrepreneurs build wealth through ventures they don’t care about. In turn, they often give away much of that money to causes they truly care about.

Living contrary to your purpose is betraying your spirit. In the Holy Bible, Luke chapter 9 verse 25, it says “what profit is there for one to gain the whole world yet lose himself?”. And in the Quran, Surah Al-Baqarah (2:90), it says “miserable is the price they have sold their souls for..”

A well-known example of living in contradiction to one’s purpose is that of Judas Iscariot. Most are familiar with the account of how Judas betrayed Jesus, but we never followed up on what happened after that.

Matthew 27:3 says, when Judas saw that Jesus had been condemned, he was filled with remorse. He returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders. In the following verse, he said “I have sinned, for I have betrayed innocent blood.”

After that, he threw the money into the temple and left, and hanged himself (Matthew 27:5).

Can you picture the pain Judas felt? He returned the money, showed regret publicly, and then took his own life. The price we pay for a soul not at peace is immeasurable, no matter what you accomplish in life.

If you hate going to work on Mondays but get excited for Fridays, your actions don’t align with your life’s meaning and purpose.

If you dislike spending time with your girlfriend, wife, husband, or anyone else, it’s likely due to a mismatch with your life’s meaning and purpose.

If you have money, cars, buildings, power, and status but still feel empty, it might be because your actions don’t match your life’s purpose and meaning.

The solution is simple: pause and ask yourself:

Why am I here?

What is my life for?

What makes suffering worthwhile?

What is worth giving my life for?

When you get the answers, your job is to live each day according to them.

Living for something bigger than yourself

When my grandmother said, “I am God’s favorite daughter,” she showed a deep understanding of life. She believed there was something much bigger than herself.

I asked about her physical health and body, but her answer included everything. She embraced that there is something bigger than her, her God. And she believed that, for everything she had been through, she was God’s favorite.

She decided to live her life with that perspective. It shaped how she moved, what she ate and drank. It helped her find clarity, build discipline, discover the meaning of her life, and live by it.

The best way to understand life is to accept that something bigger than you is at work in the universe. Now with globalization and information, we use the word God.

Whether one is a Muslim, Christian, or Hindu, the concept of God is universal. Even those who aren’t religious recognise there’s something bigger and more powerful in the universe beyond humans.

Some call it ancestors, some call it Karma, some call it the Universe and some just say nature. What everyone accepts is we as humans have limited power, awareness, influence and information about a lot going on in the world.

We need an anchor point and a compass that will lead us to the promised land. If your religion says that land is heaven, then well and good. If it says a place called Nirvana, that is fine too. If others call it a flow state or awakening, it’s also fine.

Join a community of people who share your values, beliefs about life, and faith in a higher power. That tends to bring peace to the spirit.

Some of the most miserable people on earth are the ones who are only doing things for themselves. They live only in their heads and have no hope or faith in something bigger than them.

Life becomes easier by embracing that there is a higher power at play in the universe. This view helps you find better answers about your purpose in life.

This brings clarity and discipline, helping the mind stay consistent in living according to our purpose. Such focus makes choices about what to eat, drink, how to move, and when to rest easier. You’ll have a clear purpose to guide you. And you need to be in your best physical, mental, and spiritual condition to do that.

I wish I could have a deeper chat with Anna, my grandma, about her health by considering her body, mind, and spirit. But I know she would touch on these major points.

She would likely have suggested I read this at her funeral. It shares the best lesson about health and a meaningful life. Since you were not in her life, please consider this her eulogy.

You might not be sick, but it doesn’t mean you are healthy. A fit body can still have a chaotic mind, that is not healthy. A fit mind with a stiff and exhausted body is not healthy. A fit body with a sharp mind is nothing if the soul is not in alignment.

Remember that your body carries life, your mind interprets it and your soul brings meaning to it.

Until then,

Think deeply. Live deliberately.

Watushule

He took his people to Lake Tanganyika. This lake borders Tanzania, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Burundi, and Zambia. Zwangendaba allowed his people to form their own territories across these regions. One such group went to the village of Peramiho in Songea, southern Tanzania.

Among the people who moved to Peramiho were a man named Mphami Chitingili and his brother. They fell in love with local women and got married. They formed strong bonds with friends and colleagues while raising their families.

Once they had settled there, a new development occurred. Missionaries from Germany set up camp there and began their work.

Father Cassian Spiss founded Peramiho Abbey on 31 July 1898. He came from the Missionary Benedictines of St. Ottilien and had arrived in East Africa in 1888. By 1910, the German colonial administration had taken military control of Peramiho. This military presence also strengthened the presence of German missionaries.

Those who resisted were either killed or forced to embrace German culture. Mphami was among the few who fled the village to escape this influence. After he left the missionaries’ area, he entered a Muslim community and adapted to it.

The rest of the population fell under German army control. Then, they joined the missionary society. This included Mphami’s brother, who became a Christian.

By the mid-1900s, Mphami’s family grew to ten children, thirty grandchildren, seventy great-grandchildren, and many great-great-grandchildren. Mphami’s brother had a family of similar size.

My mother was among the hundreds of great-great-granddaughters of Mphami Chitingili. It took a complex series of events to bring me to life.

And that’s one leg of my family tree; we can’t go deeper into my father’s side. In the process of understanding myself, I had to understand everyone I am related to. Beyond my siblings, I have fallen in love many times, started establishing my own family, and built a network of friends and colleagues.

It is the same path that Mphami Chitingili went through and the same path that everyone goes through.

In our lifetimes, we will find ourselves in many relationships. We are part of a certain family, and we will fall in love or start families of our own. Throughout this journey, we also gain both relatives and friends.

We can all agree that relationships are the most important and yet the hardest things in life. We need people to live well, but people are also the source of some of our deepest pain.

But relationships are different. They involve another human being with needs, wounds, expectations, egos, memories, and freedoms. This makes them life’s most meaningful yet difficult part.

People in our lives can be our biggest blessings or burdens. Here’s how to view family, friends, work, and love without being naïve or bitter. Let’s explore the idea that the most important things in life come in threes. Here are the three pillars of relationships:

Family, Friends and Romance

1. Family

Family can be influential since it’s often where we first learn about relationships.

Mphami’s story began with his family. I don’t know what happened to his father or his other siblings in Zululand. He migrated with his brother. I had no choice in being part of his bloodline through my mother.

Every one of us never had a say in the family they were born into. Yet families build the foundation for everything that comes into our lives.

We see the world through the lens of family in three ways:

We first learn and absorb key life beliefs, such as religion, political views, money, and values. All family members from Mphami became Muslims. He embraced the faith and raised them in that way. All family members who came from Mphami’s brother ended up being Christians.

I was born to parents of different religions: my mother a Muslim and my father a Christian. My lens on the world is not the same as those born to two Christian or two Muslim parents.

Cultural backgrounds shape this view. People raised outside of Islam or Christianity see the world through different traditions. Before adopting new faiths, Mphami and his brother followed traditional Zulu beliefs typical in Zululand families.

Most of us follow the religions our families taught us, and these beliefs often stay with us for life. This can lead us to judge those who do not share our religion and support those who share our faith.

The same goes for politics. If your family liked a political party or idea, you’re more likely to stick with it for life.

If you come from a wealthy family, you have a different perspective on money. You may believe that people can use money to do good in society. You probably have skills, experience, and knowledge about getting, managing, and growing money.

If you grew up in a family with money issues, you might think most rich people are evil. You believe money is the root of all evil. So, you probably lack the skills and experience to find, keep, and grow money. You are in a rat race.

If you grew up in a broken family or an unhappy home, you’re likely to create a similar situation later. You don’t view family and its values like those raised in strong households. Such people often prioritise family over individual needs.

You can’t change your family’s religion, politics, values, or financial habits. However, you can act now. First, pause and think about the values and beliefs you learned from your family. Consider how these shape your life today.

Look for values in other people and their families that inspire you. Start bringing those values into your own life. It is not too late. If you won’t do that, you are going to replicate the family you came from.

Second, our families affect us by placing expectations shaped by their history and dramas. Everyone with whom you share a surname has something to say about your life.

Many of us carry burdens without stopping to ask why we carry them. We don’t look at these family pressures. Instead, we just keep pushing on, carrying their weight.

I have an aunt who always asks me when I’ll get married. Meanwhile, her daughter got divorced in under five years. Yet she feels entitled to tell me how to live my life.

I have a distant cousin. He thinks I should help him find a job and support his unexpected kids just because we share the same last name. I have siblings who are tough to handle. They expect my patience just because someone said, “blood is thicker than water.”

We all carry these burdens through our entire lives. But to lead a good life, we need to pause and unload them. We must choose wisely which burdens and expectations to keep and which to let go.

You need to set boundaries with everyone in your family and clan. It’s your life, so you can say no to anyone. This includes your parents or even that distant aunt. You may barely know her, yet her expectations still weigh on you.

Families don’t pressure, expect, or demand anything from a member who isn’t doing much. They only demand these things because there is something going on in your life. The moment it stops, you lose your status in their eyes.

We all know family members who aren’t invited to events. They don’t get priority and aren’t asked about anything. If you don’t pause and unload your burdens, one day you will have nothing, and you will have no standing in the family.

The best way to deal with family and relatives is to be intentional.

Be intentional with the time, resources and energy you give them. Do not deal with them just because they are family members, sharing the blood. Deal with them because they are nice people who care about you, and you care about them. You enjoy being together.

Stop keeping horrible people around just because you share a surname.

2. Friends and colleagues

My first memory of friends is Ibrahim, Robert and Elisha in nursery school. I remember some of the mischievous things we used to do during lunch breaks. We later joined St Joseph’s Primary School together. Our days were filled with football and the early twists of teenage relationships.

I have met many friends at different stages of life, from primary school and university to various workplaces. Others I found through street football, shared hobbies, or online communities.

And I lost a lot of friends in life, too. I lost touch with friends as soon as we finished school or university. I lost connection with most of those I worked with. I lost friends I made because we were just living nearby, and I moved or they moved. I lost some to death.

Different friends at different stages of life shaped who I am. Some instilled good habits in me, inspiration, wisdom and adventure. Others were the primary influence behind the bad habits I adopted.

We all collect different friends at different stages of life. Friendships are special relationships because they are the family that we choose. However, they are also a family we can let go of more easily than our biological kin when our paths diverge.

Research shows that everyone, at any age, has only a few true friends. These are people who will be there when you need them, celebrate your wins and feel the pain of your losses.

It is important to identify your few friends and make an effort to be a good friend to them. Whoever said you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with was right.

Most of the people we work with are not our friends;they are our colleagues. If they find themselves in a position to choose between you and their work, they will choose work. And you will do the same. Stop seeking friendships among colleagues.

Maintaining a friendship requires you to be intentional. You need to check on each other from time to time. You need to spend some time together, physically if you can. You need to be there for them on their highs and lows.

If you think you are the special one in a friendship, others will feel it. And they will slowly detach from you. No one wants to be a supporting actor in your selfish life story.

True friends don’t care if you are rich or poor. They don’t care if you have a high position or low. They don’t care if you are famous or not. They don’t care if you are good looking or not. They will treat you the same and be honest with you. And you are should do the same.

As you grow older, it’s even harder to make good and genuine friends. Learn to hold on to the friendships you have built when growing up. It’s hard to replace long-time friends.

3. Romantic relationships

The first time I felt attracted to a person who was neither family nor a friend was around the age of twelve. There was this girl who transferred to our primary school. I found myself uneasy in her presence.

When she was around I found myself speechless. I realized I got more shy, more quiet and different. I usually engaged in conversation, shared jokes, played pranks, and enjoyed playful activities. Around her all that went away. I also realized I was giving her anything she asked for: my books, my notes, my pens and even my food sometimes.

At the time, I didn’t know what love was, so I felt it was just a deeper version of a normal friendship. When we finished primary school and went our separate ways without me confessing my feelings, I realised that was my first love.

Years have passed now; I have had that feeling more than four times. I learned you can love someone, and want to be with them all the time. I also learned you can love someone and want nothing to do with them.

People fall in love for different reasons. Some feel unexplainable butterflies in their stomach around someone. Some are attracted to how people look. For some, it’s because these people make them feel special. For others, it’s because they have spent so much time with them that they get attached.

Romantic relationships are about more than falling in love. People get into romantic relationships for different reasons. Some do so because of love, obviously. For some, it is out of circumstance. Others enter them because family or society arranged it.

In my life, I’ve learned that how you start a romantic relationship doesn’t matter. What really counts is who you are with and how you act within it. That’s what makes it last or fade away in a short time.

Two people build a romantic relationship. The less interference from others—including family, friends, and colleagues—the better.

If the two people in a relationship lack common ground, their bond is weak.

My approach to romantic relationships can be summarised in three points:

The first point is accepting the other person. Your partner has built beliefs, behaviours, and habits over many years. They learned from family, relatives, neighbours, friends, school, work, and places of worship.

That means they are not seeing the world as you do. They are never going to be like you. There is nothing wrong with the other person being different. You can see six and they see nine in the same situation, and you might both be right.

Accepting your partner’s differences will help you appreciate them and love them for who they are. Failing to do so is fuel for unnecessary arguing, drama and suffering.

Second, every partner has to learn how to communicate with each other. Everything in life goes back to communication. Countries go to war due to poor communication. , and countries form alliances due to good communication.

Good communication brings peace to romantic partners, but poor communication leads to conflict. Knowing what to say, when to say it, and how to say it is crucial. This helps the other person feel respected, loved, and cared for.

When voices rise, disrespectful words are thrown around, and stonewalling happens, no good comes of it.

Third is, romantic relationships are not there to complete anyone. This is perhaps the most important point. You don’t go into a relationship broken and expect your partner to complete or fix you. Nor are you perfect enough to fix your partner or complete them.

Phrases like “happy wife, happy life” are just lies. You need a happy person to make a happy life. If the husband is not happy, there is nothing he can offer his wife to make her happy. An unhappy husband trying to make a wife happy is a recipe for disaster.

Focus on personal growth. When you’re content and satisfied, you’ll be ready to support others. This creates a positive atmosphere that others will appreciate in return.

You can’t help a drowning person if you can’t swim. Learn to be happy on your own, and you will create an environment for happiness with your partner. Learn to be strong within yourself, and you will add strength to your partner. Learn to love yourself, and you will truly love your partner.

But all these points will mean nothing if you select the wrong partner. Invest your time, skills and energy in finding the right partner for you. The right one for you might not be the right person for your family, friends, pastor, sheikh or anyone else.

Be honest with yourself. You have an entire lifetime to spend with your partner.

Now that we’ve explored family, friends, and romantic relationships, we can say that:

Human beings are relational by nature. No one becomes a person alone. Family shapes us first. Friends refine us. Love exposes us. Colleagues test us. Society reveals what is in us.

The beauty of relationships is also what makes them difficult. Relationships matter because they are alive. They change. They demand forgiveness, patience, communication, sacrifice, and maturity.

Most relationship pain is not caused by hatred, but by immaturity. People hurt each other because of pride, selfishness, bad communication, insecurity, past wounds, and unrealistic expectations.

A good life is not built by avoiding relationship difficulty, but by learning how to handle it well. The goal is not perfect relationships. The goal is wise, honest, humane relationships.

Other people are not extensions of us. They think, heal, and love differently from we do. Caring deeply for someone means your life isn’t just about you anymore. Relationships reveal more than just who others are. They show us who we are under stress, disappointment, longing, and conflict.

I began my journey long before Mphami Chitingili from Zulu land in South Africa, and now I’m here with you. You might be reading this as a family member, friend, colleague, neighbour, lover, ex-lover, or someone we met online.

Each of you forms one of the bases of my life, relationships. I do my best to be intentional by being the best version of myself, so I can bring the best of me to you.

As the next part of this series also comes in three, we will discuss health. We will explore the body, mind, and spirit. We will look into how poor health can deeply diminish your quality of life and limit your potential.

Until then,

Think Deeply, Live Deliberately.

Watushule

I promised to dive deeper into the key points within those three topics. Before I do that, I feel the need to address the elephant in the room.

Relationships, health, and work are key. However, they aren’t equally important or relevant at the same time.

When we are young, relationships with our family and relatives mean everything. Our survival depends on it. When we become adults, our survival doesn’t depend much on our relationships; it goes to our work. And when we are old, our survival is all dependent on how healthy we are.

But one of the major things that influence what becomes more important and when is time. With time, life pushes our circumstances to value one over the other. And the major point about life is that it ends.

We talked about the previous article, life comes in threes: the beginning, middle, and end. Birth, life, and death. We had nothing to do about our birth. There is nothing we can do about our deaths.

Relationships, work, and health are important only in relation to our short time on earth. Before we dig deeper into them, let us address the elephant in the room: we will all die. And that should not scare us; it should motivate us to make the most of life.

The fact that no matter what you do, want, achieve, or fail, you will die. No matter what country, region, religion, or group you are coming from, you will die. The fact that you do not know when and how you will die.

Death is life’s biggest motivation. It is such a strong force that it can paralyse some people into depression. Many become so afraid of it that they forget to think about it at all.

Marcus Aurelius, one of the top five emperors of Rome, wrote his well-known journal, Meditations.

“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do, say, and think.”

The emperor of the world’s mightiest empire thinks about death. This shows how strong the fear of death can be. He thought about death and realised that he needed reminders of how to feel, what to think, what to say, and what to do.

Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, said in his famous commencement speech at Stanford that

“When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it were your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

I lost three friends around my age in ways that caused deep heartbreak. I felt connected to the words of Steve Jobs and Marcus Aurelius during those tough times.

The first friend passed away in his sleep at home, surrounded by a sense of calm. He had no medical issues, illnesses, or accidents. He was someone I studied with in high school and university. Someone who had so many ambitions and plans, hard-working, charming, and very humble. I always tell myself I could be next, any time.

The second friend died after saying he had stomach pain all afternoon. When taken to hospital, they said nothing was wrong; two hours later, he passed away. He planned to marry next month. He also ran a successful stationery business at the University of Dar es Salaam. That can be you next, anytime with any pain that you feel.

My third friend, who was fine during the day, started complaining of pain in the evening. They took him to the hospital, but he died before he could reach it. I studied with him at university. He had a great job at an international bank. Plus, he has got married a few months ago. That can be any one of us.

Knowing that death is near should inspire you. It’s a reason to avoid laziness, stop procrastinating, and steer clear of wrongdoing. Don’t hurt others or give up. Instead, take smart risks and always do your best.

Understanding that death can come at any time should inspire you to be a good person. It encourages humility, gratitude for what you have, and a desire to help others. Also, it reminds you to be mindful and make a positive impact on your society.

Realising that you could die at any moment should push you to work harder. Put in long hours and don’t give up after failure. Focus on making your dreams a reality in this short, uncertain life.

When we talk about the most important things in life—relationships, work, and health—it’s key to remember our mortality. That is like the fuel needed for our car.

Remember life by reflecting on death. Visit cemeteries, attend funerals, and read scriptures about mortality. Instead of feeling afraid or sad, let these reminders inspire you. Live with intensity and embrace this brief, uncertain gift.

In the next article, we will explore key aspects of relationships. We’ll cover basic principles and share best practices for living a meaningful and sustainable life.

Until then,

Think Deeply, Live Deliberately.

Watushule

“Did you review your work three times?” I asked.

“Why three times?” she replied.

At first, I thought she was joking. Then I realised she was genuinely confused.

So I told her a story about when I first learned the value of reviewing work three times.

In my second year at the University of Dar es Salaam, I joined KPMG Tanzania, one of the Big Four auditing firms in the country and the world. On my first day, my supervisor assigned me a mentor: Mr Jeromini.

He welcomed me to the team and said something I have never forgotten:

“In every task, whether in audit or in life, review your work at least three times. No one does a good job the first time. The first review is to organise your work. The second is to catch the obvious errors. The third is to find the less obvious mistakes.”

My younger sister smiled and went away to review her work three times. She immediately saw the value in it.

But her question stayed with me. Why three?

The more I thought about it, the more I realised how often the number three appears in the things that matter most.

Life itself moves in three stages: beginning, middle, and end.

Living things follow the same pattern: birth, life, and death.

Even non-living things seem to pass through their own version of the same cycle: formation, existence, and destruction.

And once you start paying attention, you begin to see this pattern everywhere:

Past, present, future.

Mind, body, spirit.

Thought, action, outcome.

Discipline, consistency, results.

Individual, family, society.

Ready, steady, go.

One of the most fascinating examples is found in mathematics and engineering. There are many shapes in mathematics, but the triangle is one of the strongest and most stable. Engineers and builders rely on triangular structures because a triangle holds its form under pressure. It has three sides, and those three sides create strength.

That made me think of life.

We all seek strength.

We all seek stability.

And our lives unfold between birth and death.

Both ideas point back to the same number: three.

It seems to me that a stable and sustainable life is built on three pillars:

Relationships.

Work.

Health.

These three pillars connect like a triangle. When one weakens, the whole structure is affected. If your life feels unstable, there is a good chance that one of these pillars is out of place.

Relationships can be broken down into family and relatives, romantic partners, and friends. Any one of these can shape or shake a person’s life. Divorce, heartbreak, betrayal, or family conflict can spill over into both health and work.

Work can also be broken into three parts: the work you do for money, the work you do for passion, and the work you do for growth. It is rare to find all three fully aligned. Most people have one or two, but not all three. That is why so many people feel restless in their work. And unstable work often affects both relationships and health.

Health, too, comes in three dimensions: body, mind, and spirit. If the body is weak, movement becomes difficult. If the mind is unhealthy, judgment becomes distorted. If the spirit is neglected, life can begin to feel empty, even when other things appear to be working.

So we have identified three essential parts of a stable life: relationships, work, and health.

The next task is to explore each of them more deeply, and to uncover the practical wisdom and lived experience that can help us strengthen them.

If your life feels unstable, look for what is missing in your three.

And do not accept my conclusion too quickly. Pause and ask yourself:

Is it true?

Is it useful?

Is it aligned?

In the coming articles, we will explore each of these pillars in greater detail.

Think Deeply. Live Deliberately.

Watushule