Anna alikuwa ametimiza miaka mia moja lakini bado alikuwa mwenye nguvu na mwenye hekaheka sana. Siku ya kuzaliwa kwake, aliandaa chakula cha watu wanne. Alisimama kwa muda mwingi wa sherehe na hata akatuonyesha namna anavyochezaga kanisani.

Kwa udadisi, nilimuuliza ni nini kinachomfanya awe na afya nzuri hivyo wakati ana miaka mia. Alitabasamu na kutazama angani. Kisha akasema, “Mimi ni binti mpendwa zaidi wa Mungu.” Sote tukacheka. Ilikuwa ni jibu la utani lenye ujanja ujanja kutoka kwake.

Kwa muda wote ambao nimemfahamu, amekuwa akilima shamba lake na kufuga kuku. Alikuwa maarufu kwa kutembea kila mahali. Iwe anaenda shambani, kanisani, kuchota maji, au kutembelea majirani, siku zote alikuwa akitembea.

Alijulikana kwa kuwa wa kwanza kufika kanisani kila asubuhi. Alikuwa kanisani kila Jumapili.

Nakumbuka stori yake na namna alivyohamia eneo hili. Eneo hili hili ambalo leo tulikuwa tunasherehekea siku yake ya kuzaliwa. Alisafiri kutoka Tabora, akivuka zaidi ya kilomita 760 hadi kufika Kigamboni, Dar es Salaam, kuanzisha maisha yake mapya.

Aliacha kazi ya ualimu Tabora na kuja kujikita katika kilimo na ufugaji katika eneo hilo. Sasa Kigamboni ni mji wenye mipango ya kufanywa satellite city, lakini alipokuja, palikuwa ni pori. Zamani ilikuwa ukifika sehemu unaweka alama na mipaka na pori linakuwa lako.

Alitupikia chakula kwenye siku yake ya kuzaliwa kutimiza miaka mia moja. Haikuwa chakula cha kifahari; kilikuwa ni chakula chake cha kawaida alichokipenda kila siku. Alitupatia viazi vitamu vya kuchemsha kwa ajili ya chai, vilivyolimwa kwenye shamba lake mwenyewe.

Kwa chakula cha mchana, alitupatia wali na maharage. Vitu vyote alivitoa shambani kwake na akavipika katika jiko lake la nje. Sisi tulileta soda na vitafunwa, ambavyo hakuvipenda.

Anna, bibi yangu upande wa baba, alifariki miaka mitatu baadaye, miezi michache baada ya kutimiza miaka 103. Walinichagua mimi kusoma wasifu wake wa mazishi kwenye msiba. Kila mtu aliamini mimi ndiye nilikuwa mjukuu wake pendwa zaidi.

Baada ya kusoma wasifu na kutoa hotuba yangu fupi, nilikumbuka swali nililomuuliza miaka mitatu iliyopita kwenye siku yake ya kuzaliwa ya mia moja: “Siri yako ya maisha yenye afya ni nini?”

Wakati ule nilihisi jibu lake la “Mimi ni binti mpendwa zaidi wa Mungu” lilikuwa la kawaida tu, lakini lilibaki moyoni mwangu. Nilifanya utafiti kuhusu afya na nikagundua kwamba matatizo ya zamani zaidi mara nyingi huwa na suluhisho zilizojaribiwa na kuthibitishwa na wakati.

Ninaamini mambo bora zaidi maishani huja kwa namna ya tatu. Nafikiri maisha yenye afya sawa yanahitaji uwiano kati ya mwili, akili na roho. Mawazo haya yanatokana na uzoefu wa bibi yangu na watu wengine duniani wanaozeeka vizuri.

Mwili

Mwili ni chombo kinachobeba maisha. Mwili dhaifu hubeba maisha dhaifu; mwili wenye nguvu hubeba maisha yenye nguvu. Bibi yangu alikuwa na nguvu sana kwa mwanamke wa miaka mia moja. Bado angeweza kutembea kwenda kanisani, kupika, kucheza na kusimama kwa saa nyingi.

Nilijifunza mambo matatu muhimu kutoka kwa bibi yangu kuhusu mwili: jinsi alivyokuwa akitembea na kuufanyisha mwili wake, kile alichokula, na namna alivyokuwa anapumzika.

Mwili usiofanya kazi na mazoezi huwa dhaifu

Kibaiolojia, kiungo ambacho hakitumiki mara kwa mara au hakitumiki ipasavyo hudhoofika. Miili yetu imeumbwa kusogea na kufanya kazi. Kuanzia seli za ubongo hadi vidole vya miguu, kuna mfumo ambao mwili unatakiwa ufanye kazi.

Kuusogeza mwili na viungo huongeza mzunguko wa damu, nguvu, mchakato wa uchomaji wa chakula mwilini, mkao wa mwili, uwezo wa kusogea, nguvu za mwili, na hata hali ya moyo.

Bibi yangu alitembea sana. Kama angekuwa na saa ya kisasa ya kuhesabu hatua, ningeweka dau kuwa angekuwa anazidi hatua 10,000 kila siku kwa miaka mingi. Alikuwa anatembea au anazunguka au anafanya shughuli iliyokuwa inahitaji mwili kufanya kazi karibu muda wote tangu aamke hadi alale.

Mara nyingi alitembea huku amebeba mizigo, kama ndoo za maji ya kuogea, chakula cha kuku, vyombo vya kuosha, au mazao ya kuleta nyumbani kutoka shambani.

Alikuwa anaupa mwili kazi sana. Alikuwa akiinama kuokota vitu, akicheza kanisani, akinyoosha mikono kuchuma matunda, na akipiga magoti wakati wa kupika.

Shughuli hizi zote ziliusaidia mwili wake kubaki imara, wenye kunyumbulika, na wenye uwezo wa kutembea bila fimbo ya kutegemea hata alipokuwa na miaka mia moja.

Mtindo wake wa maisha ulimlazimisha kuwa na aina hizi za mizunguko na kuupa mwili kazi. Mtindo wa maisha wa mababu zetu uliwafanya watembee na kukimbia masafa marefu kwa ajili ya kuwinda au kulima. Wacheze kwenye sherehe. Wabebe mizigo wakati wa kilimo au mavuno.

Siku hizi mtindo wetu wa maisha ni tofauti. Tunakaa zaidi maofisini; viti vya starehe vimekuwa marafiki wetu wakubwa. Tunasafiri kwenda kazini kwa magari, pikipiki na mabasi. Baada ya kazi, tunapumzika kwenye sofa tukitazama televisheni kabla ya kwenda kulala.

Mara chache sana tunajihusisha na shughuli zinazotulazimisha kutembea au kusogea mara kwa mara, isipokuwa kama kazi yetu ni ya nguvu. Mtindo huu wa maisha husababisha matatizo mengi, kama mkao mbaya wa mwili, uzito kupita kiasi, mzunguko duni wa damu, na hatari kubwa ya magonjwa.

Kisha mtu akaamua kutatua tatizo letu kwa njia ya mkato: gym. Sasa tunaiona gym kama njia yetu kuu ya kubaki active. Gym ni nzuri, lakini inatangazwa kana kwamba mazoezi pekee ni kunyanyua vyuma au cardio.

Njia hii huvutia zaidi kwa sababu matokeo yake ni rahisi kuyaona. Kwa mfano, nilipoingia gym kwa mara ya kwanza mwaka 2011, mwaka wangu wa kwanza katika Chuo Kikuu cha Dar es Salaam, niliona jambo hili moja kwa moja.

Nilifika huko peku na nimevaa jezi ya mpira, nikiwa na rafiki yangu mkubwa Jabir. Tulionekana hatupo sehemu sahihi kabisa. Tuliona wanaume wenye mikono mikubwa, vifua vilivyojaa, na miguu ya aina ile unayoiona tu kwenye filamu.

Tuliona wanawake wazuri wamevaa kaptula fupi sana. Walivaa sidiria za kubana zilizo tufanya tujiulize kama kweli tuliruhusiwa kuwaangalia hadharani.

Baada ya miaka mingi ya kwenda gym, naweza kufupisha siri ya kufanya mazoezi. Ni rahisi: tafuta njia ya kuusogeza na kuupa kazi mwili wako, kama vile bibi yangu alivyofanya.

Mwili unakuwa na nguvu, imara na bora unapofanya kazi. Kama hujawahi kutembea kilomita chache maishani mwako, basi anza kwa kutembea hadi uchoke. Kesho yake ongeza umbali kidogo. Fanya hivyo hadi umbali huo uanze kuhisi mwepesi.

Kisha jisukume zaidi. Anza kwa kutembea kwenye vilima au milima. Halafu ongeza uzito unaobeba au tembea kwa kasi zaidi ili kuongeza ugumu.

Unaweza kufanya hivyo popote. Hauhitaji gym ili kufanikisha hilo. Mababu zetu hawakuwa na gym, dunia ndiyo ilikuwa gym yao. Kazi za nguvu kama ujenzi na kilimo mara nyingi hutatua tatizo hilo.

Kama unafanya kazi ofisini, tafuta namna ya kufanya mwili wake usogee au ufanye kazi katika siku yako. Anza kwa kutembea, kisha ongeza kiwango cha ugumu. Inapohisi rahisi, jaribu kukimbia au kubeba uzito wa ziada ili kuendelea kujipa changamoto.

Sehemu nyingine ya jinsi ya kujenga na kutunza mwili ni kunyoosha misuli na viungo tofauti vya mwili. Kama uko kwenye miaka yako ya thelathini au zaidi, unaweza kugundua kwamba baadhi ya harakati zinaanza kuwa ngumu zaidi. Unaona kwamba inakuwa vigumu zaidi kuinama au kupiga magoti.

Labda umeona kugusa vidole vya miguu kumekuwa jambo lisilowezekana. Au ukikaa chini na kunyoosha miguu, hauwezi kuinama kuifikia. Kila sehemu inauma, kama vile umegongwa na treni—shingo, mgongo, mabega, na mapaja yote yanauma.

Haya yote ni kwa sababu umeacha kunyosha misuli yako. Misuli ni kama mpira wa elastic. Kadiri unavyozinyoosha, ndivyo zinavyokuwa na unyumbufu zaidi. Kadiri usivyozinyoosha, ndivyo zinavyokuwa ngumu zaidi.

Unapoamka, tafuta njia za kunyoosha mwili. Nyosha sehemu zote za mwili wako kwa asili. Piga magoti, tambaa, inama, vuta, sukuma, na tulia. Kadiri unavyonyoosha, ndivyo utakavyokuwa mwepesi na unyumbufu zaidi.

Chakula na vinwaji ndio nishati ya mwili

Ili mwili usogee na kufanya kazi vizuri, unahitaji nishati. Kile tunachokula na kunywa kinaamua ubora wa nishati tunayoingiza mwilini. Nishati nzuri inaongeza ufanisi wa mwili kwenye kufanya kazi yake. Nishati mbovu huathiri ufanyaji kazi wa mwili na huishia kuharibu mwili.

Sehemu kubwa ya lishe ya bibi yangu ilitoka shambani kwake. Alikuwa na unga wa mahindi, wali, maharage, mboga, mayai, nyama na viungo karibu yake. Alikula lishe ileile ambayo mababu zake walikula.

Na upishi wake ulikuwa rahisi kadiri iwezekanavyo, vitu vingi vilikuwa ni vya kuchemsha. Mara chache sana alitumia mafuta ya kupikia, ambayo sisi ndiyo tulikuwa tunamletea.

Kama una gari, usingeweka mafuta yasiyofaa kutumika. Hauwezi kuweka petroli kwenye gari la diseli ingawa yote ni mafuta. Na kwa hakika usingeweka maji kwenye gari la petroli au diseli.

Vivyo hivyo kwa mwili; haukuumbwa kutumia baadhi ya vyakula na vinywaji ili ufanye kazi vizuri. Hata hivyo, binadamu wamepata njia ya kufanya hivyo, iwe ni kwa ujinga, uraibu, au sababu tusizoweza kueleza.

Binadamu hutumia vitu vinavyouathiri mwili kila siku, kuanzia vyakula vilivyosindikwa viwandani hadi pombe kali na sigara. Na kama gari ambalo lingeharibika baadaye baada ya kujazwa mafuta yasiyofaa, mwili nao hujibu kwa namna hiyo.

Magonjwa yasiyo ya kuambukiza ni matokeo ya kuutumia vibaya mwili. Shinikizo la damu kutokana na pombe nyingi na nyama nyingi, au saratani kutokana na uvutaji sigara, vinaonyesha jinsi mwili unavyojibu mazoea mabaya.

Mababu zetu walikuwa na lishe rahisi, wakila na kunywa vitu walivyovikuta kwenye mazingira ya asili au walivyolima, kufuga na kuwinda.

Ukienda dukani au mgahawani, jiulize: bibi yako angefikiria nini kuhusu chakula ulichonunua au ulichoagiza?

Upe mwili wako nishati sahihi na utakutumikia vizuri. Kama tayari unatumia mara kwa mara vyakula na vinywaji visivyo na afya, jitahidi kuvipunguza na kutumia kwa kiasi.

Namna tunavyopumzika huathiri namna tunavyofanya kazi

Kwa miaka yote ambayo nimemfahamu bibi yangu, hakupenda sisi kukaa kwake hadi usiku sana. Alitaka kulala mapema na kuamka mapema. Alisema Mungu wake anatumia jua kama mwongozo wa maisha yake.

Jua linapotoka, yeye anaamka; jua linapozama, yeye analala. Kisayansi, kuna ushahidi kwamba miili yetu hufanya kazi kwa kuzingatia mizunguko ya asili ya mwili, yaani circadian rhythms. Tunafanya kazi vizuri zaidi tunapoamka na jua na kupumzika linapozama.

Kama unaweza, jitahidi kuifuata asili. Amka mapema, anza siku yako. Punguza shughuli jua linapozama na nenda kulala. Huo ndio usingizi wa asili ambao mwili wako unahitaji.

Ndiyo, unaweza kuendesha gari kwa umbali mrefu sana, usiku na mchana bila kupumzisha wala kufanya service; lakini kwa gharama gani? Na kwa muda gani?

Miili yetu hufanya kazi kwa namna hiyo hiyo; unaweza kuisukuma kwa siku, wiki, au hata miezi. Lakini mwishowe, uchovu utakufikia na utaharibika. Na gharama hiyo ni kubwa sana kuilipa. Unaweza kutengeneza na kubadilisha gari, lakini hauwezi kufanya hivyo kwa mwili wako.

Tafuta njia za kuupumzisha mwili wako. Lala unapoweza, angalau saa saba hadi nane. Pumzika katikati ya shughuli zenye nguvu nyingi. Chukua likizo kidogo baada ya kumaliza miradi mirefu au kazi inayochosha.

Bibi yangu alikuwa analala mapema ili kuhakikisha ana nguvu za kutosha kwa siku inayofuata. Wakati si msimu wa kupanda au kuvuna, kazi zake za mwili hupungua. Hilo husaidia mwili wake kupumzika na kupona.

Kwa muhtasari, miili yetu inahitaji kutembea, kufanya kazi na kunyoshwa viungo, kupata virutubisho, na mapumziko ili ifanye kazi vizuri kwa muda mrefu iwezekanavyo. Ukiyazingatia hayo, hautahangaika sana kuhusu kutokuwa fiti, kuwa mnene kupita kiasi, au kupata magonjwa yanayozuilika.

Akili

Mwili ni chombo kinachobeba uhai na maisha yetu; akili ndiyo namna tunavyoutafsiri uhai na maisha.

Kuna hadithi maarufu sana kuhusu mapacha waliokulia na baba mlevi. Walipokua, walichagua njia tofauti. Pacha wa kwanza akawa mlevi. Alipoulizwa kwa nini, akasema, “Baba yangu alikuwa mlevi, ulitegemea niwaje sasa?”

Pacha wa pili alipokuwa akawa anachukia pombe. Alipoulizwa kwa nini, akajibu, “Kwa sababu baba yangu alikuwa mlevi. Sikupenda namna alivyokuwa anaishi, alivyotutesa, na jinsi alivyoharibu maisha yake. Sikupenda kuwa kama yeye.”

Mapacha wawili waliofanana kila kitu na kuishi nyumba moja chini ya baba moja, lakini walikuwa na mtazamo tofauti. Hivyo ndivyo akili inavyofanya kazi. Inaunda namna tunavyoiona dunia, tunavyotafsiri matukio, na tunavyotengeneza uhalisia wetu wenyewe.

Nilisikia hadithi kuhusu nyumba ya kwanza ya bibi yangu kuungua. Moto uliharibu kila kitu alichokuwa amekijenga kwa miaka mingi sana.

Watoto wake walipompa wazo la kumsaidia kuhamia mjini aanze maisha mapya, alisema, “Nitajenga nyumba mpya, nitaanzisha mashamba mapya, na nitapanda mazao yangu tena. Niliweza mara ya kwanza; nitaweza tena.”

Na kweli, alifanya hivyo. Hadi siku aliyokufa, aliendelea kuishi kwenye ardhi yake. Na walimzika kwenye ardhi hiyo hiyo. Huo ndio ulikuwa mtazamo wake wa maisha.

Mambo matatu muhimu kuhusu akili ni: uwazi wa kuona mambo, nidhamu, na utulivu wa akili.

Uwazi

Uwazi ni uwezo wa kuona mambo kama yalivyo na kuyakubali. Kama nilivyosema hapo awali, watu tofauti wanaweza kutafsiri hali ileile kwa namna tofauti. Mtu mmoja anaweza kuona sita, mwingine akaona tisa, kutegemea upande aliosimama na wote wakawa sahihi.

Jiweke katika mazingira yatakayokusaidia kuona mambo kwa uwazi. Hivyo utaimarisha mtazamo wako na kufanya maamuzi bora zaidi.

Mazingira tofauti na mitazamo tofauti hujenga uwazi.

Jijengee tabia ya kukutana na watu wapya, kutembelea sehemu tofauti, na kutafuta vyanzo mbalimbali vya taarifa na ujuzi kama vitabu. Tabia hizi zitakupa zana za kujenga uwazi wa akili.

Nidhamu

Akili ni kitu chenye ujanja; inaweza kuwa bosi wako au mtumishi wako kutegemea na namna unavyoitumia. Usipofanya chochote kwa makusudi, akili itakuja na mawazo ya ajabu sana.

Ipe akili yako nidhamu mara kwa mara, na unaweza kufikia malengo yako. Pia utafurahia maisha kwa namna za kuvutia. Watu wanaweza hata kukuita genius.

Unahitaji kuifundisha akili yako ifikiri nini, ifikiri lini, na ichakataje taarifa. Unahitaji kuitawala mifumo yako ya mawazo.

Ukiiacha iende ovyo, matatizo yatakufuata. Hii ni pamoja na uraibu, uvivu, wasiwasi, na hofu. Matatizo mengi ya maisha hutokana na ukosefu wa nidhamu.

Kila tatizo linalosababishwa na ukosefu wa nidhamu hutokana na kushindwa kuitawala akili.

Utulivu wa akili

Umeshawahi kusikia msemo unaosema, “unahitaji akili iliyotulia maishani.”

Ukosefu wa uwezo wa kuona mambo kama yalivyo na nidhamu huwa unasababisha vurugu ndani ya akili. Hii hufanya kuishi maisha ya shida sana.

Baadhi ya watu wanapata shida kupata amani katika mahusiano yao. Huenda wanakosa uwezo wa kuona mambo kwa usahihi katika kuchagua wapenzi sahihi. Pia wanahitaji nidhamu ili kujenga na kudumisha mahusiano yenye afya.

Wengine wanakosa amani ya akili katika kazi na taaluma zao. Mara nyingi hili hutokea kwa sababu hawakupata mwongozo wa wazi walipochagua kazi, biashara, au shughuli walizotumia miaka mingi ndani yake. Pia wanakosa nidhamu ya kubadili mwelekeo wa maisha yao ya kikazi.

Amani ya akili ni matokeo ya uwezo wa kuona mambo kama yalivyo na nidhamu; jitahidi kujenga yote mawili na utavuna utulivu huo.

Cha kusikitisha, hakuna mtu anayeweza kukuletea utulivu wa akili. Lazima uijenge mwenyewe.

Matatizo mengi ya binadamu hutoka akilini. Ukosefu wa uwezo wa kuona vitu kama vilivyo na kwa uwazi na nidhamu siku zote utaishia katika ukosefu wa amani ya akili. Jifunze kuyafanyia kazi hayo na utaongeza zana muhimu sana katika maisha yako.

Mtazamo wako wa akili unaamua namna unavyoona maisha. Ili upate amani ya akili, unahitaji uwezo wa kuona vitu kama vilivyo na nidhamu. Hivyo ndivyo utakavyoweza kutafsiri maisha kwa namna inayokufaa.

Nafsi/Roho

Hii ni mada ambayo kwa watu wengi ni kama mwiko fulani. Kutokana na ujinga, udanganyifu, na kutokuwa na uhakika, watu wengi wanahangaika na masuala ya kiroho.

Bibi yangu aliposema, “Mimi ni binti mpendwa zaidi wa Mungu,” nilihisi viongozi wa kanisa walikuwa wamemshawishi. Ilionekana kama anaamini kila kitu maishani kinazunguka kwa Mungu. Nina marafiki na ndugu wengi wanaofanya mada ya Mungu ionekane ya kuudhi au ya kutia mashaka.

Sasa natambua kwamba bibi yangu alikuwa akizungumzia sehemu ya kiroho ya afya yake.

Utafiti wangu ulinionyesha mambo matatu muhimu: maana ya maisha, kuishi kwa kulingana na maana hiyo, na kuamini katika kitu kikubwa kuliko wewe mwenyewe.

Maana

Maisha yanaweza kumaanisha chochote kwa mtu yeyote; na hilo ndilo linaloyafanya yawe magumu. Maana ya maisha ya bibi yangu na yangu ni kama mchana na usiku. Maana yangu ni tofauti na yako. Na hilo ndilo pia linaloyafanya yawe na maana.

Katika harakati yangu ya kuelewa maana ya maisha, nilijifunza kusimama na kujiuliza maswali haya:

Kwa nini nipo hai duniani?

Maisha yangu ni kwa ajili ya nini?

Ni nini kinachofanya mateso yawe na thamani ya kuvumiliwa?

Ni kitu gani kinachostahili kuyatoa maisha yangu kwa ajili yake?

Niligundua maana ya maisha kwangu ni mimi kuwa bora kwanza. Kuwa binadamu bora, mtoto bora, rafiki bora, jirani bora na mfanyabiashara bora. Nikiwa bora nitakuwa na nyenzo na uwezo wa kuwasaidia wengine kuwa bora zaidi katika muda huu mfupi tulio nao hapa duniani. Maisha yangu ni ya kutumikia, na yanastahili mateso yote yanayohitajika ili kufanya hivyo.

Kusikia ndugu, mwanafamilia, rafiki, au hata mtu baki akisema kwamba nilibadilisha maisha yake kuwa bora kunaniletea furaha kubwa sana. Kujua hilo kunafanya juhudi zangu zote ziwe na thamani.

Ninapenda simulizi na hadithi zenye mafunzo ya maisha tangu darasa la tatu katika Shule ya Msingi St Joseph. Sijawahi kuacha kutafuta maarifa na kuyatumia katika maisha yangu. Pia sijawahi kuacha kusimulia watu au kuweka sehemu yeyote ambayo wengine watayapata pia.

Nitatoa msaada wa maarifa kupitia mazungumzo ya mtu mmoja mmojo tukikutana, kwenye simu, au kupitia mtandao. Nitafanya hivyo kwa kuandika picha, video, sauti, au njia yoyote mpya inayojitokeza.

Sikuacha kufanya hivyo nilipokuwa shule ya msingi, sekondari, chuo kikuu, au nilipokuwa nafanya kazi PwC. Sikuacha nilipoanzisha biashar yangu ya kwanza, na sijaacha sasa nikiwa mjasiriamali mwenye uzoefu.

Hiyo ndiyo dhamira yangu. Hiyo ndiyo inayoyapa maisha yangu maana: kuwa bora zaidi na kuwasaidia wengine kufanya hivyo kupitia hadithi na mawazo yanayochochea fikra na kukua. Yako ni ipi?

Kaa chini na jibu maswali haya ya muhimu zaidi:

Kwa nini upo hai duniani?

Maisha yako ni ya nini?

Ni nini kinachofanya mateso yawe na thamani ya kuvumiliwa?

Ni kitu gani kinachostahili kuyatoa maisha yako kwa ajili yake?

Usipoyajibu maswali hayo, siku zote utahisi kuna kitu kinakosekana, bila kujali unafanikisha nini. Unaweza kuwa na pesa zote duniani, familia na marafiki bora kabisa, lakini unapolala usiku utahisi upweke wa ndani.

Umetumia miaka mingi kuingia katika tafsiri za wengine kuhusu maana ya maisha. Mtu alikuambia nenda shule, pata kazi, fanya kazi hadi ustaafu, kisha ufe. Je, hicho ndio kitu pekee kwenye maisha yako?

Huenda umesikia kuhusu fursa ya biashara inayoahidi pesa nyingi. Ukaanzisha na ikaleta faida, utajuaje wakati umefika kusema unayo faida ya kutosha? Na utafanya nini na utajiri huo?

Inawezekana kuna mtu alisema unapaswa kuwa kiongozi na kukusanya nguvu na mamlaka, na ukafanya hivyo. Lakini utajuaje lini inatosha? Na utafanya nini mamlaka yatakapobadilisha mikono?

Kile ulicho nacho, unachofanya, unaowajua, na ulipo haviwezi kufafanua maana ya maisha yako. Kaa chini na jibu maswali haya ya muhimu zaidi:

Kwa nini upo hai duniani?

Maisha yako ni ya nini?

Ni nini kinachofanya mateso yawe na thamani ya kuvumiliwa?

Ni kitu gani kinachostahili kuyatoa maisha yako kwa ajili yake?

Ukishayapata majibu hayo, utaanza haraka kupanga unachofanya, unafanya na nani, na unafanya vipi. Maisha peke yake hayana maana. Utalazimika kutafuta maana yako mwenyewe na kuipa maisha. Usipofanya hivyo, mtu mwingine atakupangia maana yake.

Kuishi kulingana na maana ya maisha yako

Kama kutambua maana ni hatua ya kwanza, basi kuishi maisha yako kwa kufuata maana hiyo ni hatua inayofuata.

Tatizo la kwanza maishani ni kuishi bila kujua maana ya maisha yetu. Tatizo la pili ni kujua maana hiyo lakini kuishi kinyume nayo.

Watu wengi hupata maana ya maisha kwa kuitumikia jamii yao. Hilo linaweza kutokea kupitia biashara, kazi za kijamii, dini, au siasa. Lakini watu wengi wameajiriwa. Hawawezi kuacha kazi kufuata maana hiyo kwa sababu nyingi. Na wanachukia Jumatatu kila wanapoenda kazini.

Wajasiriamali wengi hujenga utajiri kupitia biashara ambazo hawazijali kwa dhati. Kisha baadaye hutoa sehemu kubwa ya pesa hizo kwa mambo wanayoyajali kweli.

Kuishi kinyume na kusudi lako ni kuisaliti roho yako. Katika Biblia Takatifu, Luka sura ya 9 mstari wa 25 inasema: “Itamfaa nini mtu kuupata ulimwengu wote, kisha ajipoteze mwenyewe?” Na katika Qur’an, Surah Al-Baqarah (2:90), inasema: “Ni ubaya ulioje wa bei waliyouza nafsi zao kwayo…”

Mfano maarufu wa kuishi kinyume na kusudi la mtu ni wa Yuda Iskariote. Wengi wanajua simulizi la jinsi Yuda alivyomsaliti Yesu, lakini mara nyingi hatufuatilii kilichotokea baada ya hapo.

Mathayo sura ya 27 mstari wa tatu inasema kwamba “Yuda alipoona Yesu amehukumiwa, alijawa na majuto. Akawarudishia makuhani wakuu na wazee vile vipande thelathini vya fedha. Katika mstari unaofuata, akasema: “Nimetenda dhambi, kwa maana nimesaliti damu isiyo na hatia.”

Baada ya hapo, akaitupa ile fedha hekaluni, akaondoka, kisha akajinyonga (Mathayo 27:5).

Unaweza kufikiria maumivu aliyokuwa nayo Yuda?

Alirudisha fedha, akaonyesha majuto hadharani, halafu akachukua uhai wake mwenyewe.

Maumivu ya nafsi na roho hayawezi kupimika na kuvumilika milele. Haijalishi umepata mafanikio gani mengine duniani, kama nafsi yako haina amani maisha yako yote yatakosa amani.

Kama unachukia kwenda kazini Jumatatu lakini unafurahia Ijumaa, inawezekana kazi yako haiendani na maana na kusudi la maisha yako.

Kama haupendi kutumia muda na mpenzi wako, mke wako, mume wako, au mtu mwingine yeyote, huenda kuna kutokulingana na maana na kusudi la maisha yako na mahusiano yako.

Kama una pesa, magari, majengo, mamlaka, na hadhi lakini bado unahisi utupu, huenda ni kwa sababu matendo yako hayaendani na kusudi na maana ya maisha yako.

Suluhisho ni rahisi: simama na ujiulize:

Kaa chini na jibu maswali haya ya muhimu zaidi:

Kwa nini upo hai duniani?

Maisha yako ni ya nini?

Ni nini kinachofanya mateso yawe na thamani ya kuvumiliwa?

Ni kitu gani kinachostahili kuyatoa maisha yako kwa ajili yake?

Ukishapata majibu hayo, kazi yako ni kuishi kila siku kwa kuzingatia majibu hayo.

Kuishi kwa ajili ya kitu kikubwa kuliko wewe mwenyewe

Bibi yangu aliposema, “Mimi ni binti mpendwa zaidi wa Mungu,” alionyesha ufahamu wa kina kuhusu maisha. Aliamini kuna kitu kikubwa mno kuliko yeye mwenyewe.

Nilimuuliza kuhusu afya yake ya kimwili na mwili wake, lakini jibu lake lilijumuisha kila kitu. Alikubali kwamba kuna kitu kikubwa kuliko yeye, yaani Mungu wake. Na aliamini kwamba, kwa yote aliyopitia, yeye alikuwa binti mpendwa wa Mungu.

Alichagua kuishi maisha yake kwa mtazamo huo. Mtazamo huo uliathiri jinsi alivyotembea, alivyokula na kunywa. Ulimsaidia kupata uwazi, kujenga nidhamu, kugundua maana ya maisha yake, na kuishi kulingana nayo.

Njia bora ya kuyaelewa maisha ni kukubali kwamba kuna kitu kikubwa kuliko wewe kinachofanya kazi katika ulimwengu. Sasa, kwa sababu ya utandawazi na taarifa, mara nyingi tunatumia neno Mungu.

Iwe mtu ni Muislamu, Mkristo, au Mhindu, wazo la uwepo wa Mungu ni la ulimwengu mzima. Hata wale wasio wa dini hutambua kwamba kuna kitu kikubwa na chenye nguvu zaidi katika ulimwengu kuliko binadamu.

Wengine wanakiita mizimu ya mababu, wengine Karma, wengine nguvu asilia, na wengine wanaita sayansi. Kile ambacho wote tunakubaliana nacho ni kwamba sisi binadamu tuna mipaka katika nguvu, ufahamu, ushawishi, na taarifa kuhusu mengi yanayotokea duniani.

Tunahitaji mahali pa kujiegemeza na dira itakayotuelekeza kwenye nchi ya ahadi. Kama dini yako inasema nchi hiyo ni mbinguni, basi sawa. Kama inasema ni mahali panapoitwa Nirvana, bado sawa.

Jiunge na jamii ya watu wanaoshiriki maadili yako, imani zako kuhusu maisha, na imani katika nguvu ya juu. Hilo mara nyingi huleta amani kwa roho. Nenda msikitini na kanisani. Nenda sehemu ya kuabudu.

Baadhi ya watu wenye huzuni zaidi duniani ni wale wanaofanya kila kitu kwa ajili yao wenyewe tu. Wanaishi tu ndani ya vichwa vyao na hawana tumaini wala imani katika kitu kikubwa kuliko wao.

Maisha huwa rahisi zaidi unapokubali kwamba kuna nguvu ya juu inayofanya kazi katika ulimwengu. Mtazamo huo hukusaidia kupata majibu bora zaidi kuhusu kusudi la maisha yako.

Hilo huleta uwezo wa kuona mambo kama yalivyo na nidhamu, na kusaidia akili kubaki thabiti katika kuishi kulingana na kusudi letu. Mtazamo huo hufanya maamuzi kuhusu nini cha kula, kunywa, jinsi ya kusogea, na lini kupumzika kuwa rahisi zaidi. Utakuwa na kusudi la wazi la kukuongoza. Na unahitaji kuwa katika hali yako bora ya kimwili, kiakili, na kiroho ili kufanya hivyo.

Ningependa sana ningekuwa na mazungumzo ya kina zaidi na Anna, bibi yangu, kuhusu afya yake kwa kuzingatia mwili wake, akili yake, na roho yake. Lakini najua angegusa hoja hizi kuu.

Huenda angependekeza nisome haya kwenye mazishi yake. Haya yanabeba somo bora zaidi kuhusu afya na maisha yenye maana. Kwa kuwa hukuwahi kuwa sehemu ya maisha yake, tafadhali ichukulie hii kama wasifu wake wa mazishi.

Unaweza kuwa hauna ugonjwa, lakini hiyo haimaanishi una afya. Mwili uliofiti unaweza bado kuwa na akili yenye vurugu; hiyo si afya. Akili iliyo fiti lakini ndani ya mwili dhoofu na uliochoka si afya. Mwili ulio fiti wenye akili iliyomakini hauna maana kama roho haiko sawa na kusudi lake.

Kumbuka kwamba mwili wako hubeba uhai, akili yako hutafsiri uhai huo, na roho yako huupa maana.

Mpaka wakati mwingine,

Fikiri kwa kina. Ishi kwa makusudi.

Watushule

Anna had turned a hundred years old but was still active. On her birthday, she prepared a meal for four people. She stood for most of the party and even showed us her favorite dance at church.

Out of curiosity, I asked her what makes her so healthy. Sheshe smiled and looked at the sky. Then she said, “I am God’s favorite daughter”. We all laughed. It was a mischievous response from the birthday girl.

For as long as I have known her, she has been farming her land and raising chickens. She is famous for walking everywhere. Whether she is going to the farm, attending church, fetching water, or visiting neighbours, she always walks.

She was famous for being the first one in church every morning. She was at the church every Sunday.

I remember hearing how she moved to this area, the same place where we were celebrating her birthday today. She travelled from Tabora, covering more than 760 kilometers to reach Kigamboni, Dar es Salaam to establish her new life.

She left a teaching career in Tabora to come and focus on agriculture and livestock farming in that area. Now Kigamboni is a town with plans to make it a satellite city, but when she came, it was a forest. Anyone who came first would claim ownership of the land as long as they made marks and boundaries.

I mentioned she cooked for us on her hundredth birthday. It wasn’t anything special; it was just her favourite daily meal. She served boiled sweet potatoes grown on her own farm for breakfast.

For lunch, she served steamed rice with beans. She sourced both from her farm and cooked them in her outdoor kitchen. We brought some soda and snacks, which she didn’t like.

Anna, my grandmother on my dad’s side, passed away three years later, a few months after turning 103 years old. They chose me to read her eulogy at the funeral. Everyone believed I was her favourite grandchild.

After the eulogy and my short speech, I recalled a question I asked her on her 100th birthday three years ago: “What’s your secret for a healthy life?”

At that moment I felt the answer “I am God’s favourite daughter” was cheesy, but it resonated with me. I researched health and realized that the oldest problems usually have time-tested solutions.

I believe the best things in life come in threes. So, I decided to break down the three pillars of health.

I think a healthy life needs balance in the body, mind, and spirit. This belief stems from my grandmother’s experience and others who age well around the world.

The body

The body is the vehicle that carries us through life. A weak body carries a weak life, a strong body carries a strong life. My grandmother was very strong for a hundred-year-old soul. She would still walk to church, cook, dance and stand for hours.

I learned three important things from my grandmother: how she moved, what she ate, and when she rested. Let’s focus on her specific routine, then look into the science behind her habits.

How we move shapes how we grow.

Biologically, an organ that is infrequently or inefficiently used will become weak. Our bodies were made to move. From the brain cells to the toes, there is mechanism for movement.

Moving the body boosts blood circulation, strength, metabolism, posture, mobility, energy, and mood.

My grandmother walked a lot. If she had a smartwatch, I’d bet that her steps would top 10,000 every day for years. She moved constantly from the moment she woke up until bedtime.

And she did all types of walking. She often walked while carrying weights, such as buckets of water for showering, feed for the chickens, dishes to wash, or farm produce to bring home.

She moved around a lot. She bent down to pick up things, danced in church, stretched her hands to grab fruits, and knelt while cooking.

All these activities helped her body stay strong, flexible and fit enough to walk without a supporting stick when she was a hundred.

Her lifestyle forced her to have those type of movements. Our ancestors lifestyle made them walk and run for long distance to hunt or farm. Dance during dinners. Carry weights during farming or harvesting.

Nowadays our lifestyle is different. We stay mostly in offices; comfortable chairs are our best friends. We commute to work by cars, motorcycles and buses. After work, we relax on couches watching TV before heading to bed.

We rarely engage in activities that would force us to walk or move frequently, unless our work is labour-intensive. This lifestyle causes several issues, like bad posture, being overweight, poor blood circulation, and a higher risk of disease.

And someone decided to solve our problem with a shortcut:the gym. We now view the gym as our primary way to stay active. The gym is fine, but it’s being marketed as if the only types of exercise are weightlifting or cardio.

This approach is more attractive because the changes are easy to see. For instance, when I first entered a gym in 2011 during my first year at the University of Dar es Salaam, I saw this first-hand.

I went there barefoot and wearing a football jersey, accompanied by my good friend Jabir. We were out of place. We saw men with big biceps, pumped chests and the kind of legs you only see in movies.

We saw pretty women wearing very tight shorts. They wore sports bras that made you wonder whether you were allowed to look at them in public.

After years of countless gym visits, I can sum up the secret to working out. It’s simple: find a way to move your body, just as my grandmother did.

The body grows when it’s outside the comfort zone. If you have never walked a few kilometres in your life, then start by walking until you get tired. Then the next day add a bit more distance. Do that until the distance feels easy.

Next, push yourself further. Start by walking on hills or mountains. Then, add weights or walk faster to increase the intensity.

You can do that anywhere. You don’t need a gym to achieve that. Our ancestors never had gyms, the world was their gym. Labour-intensive jobs like construction and agriculture tend to solve that problem.

If you work in an office, incorporate movement into your workday. Start by walking, increase the intensity. Once that feels easy, try running or carrying extra weight to keep challenging yourself.

Another part of how we move is stretching. If you’re in your thirties or older, you might notice that some movements become harder to do. You realize that it is becoming harder to bend, to kneel.

Perhaps you’ve noticed that touching your toes is an impossible feat. Or maybe that if you sit down and straighten your legs you can’t bend to reach them. Everything hurts, as if you’ve been hit by a train—your neck, back, shoulders, and thighs all ache.

All this is because you stopped moving your muscles. Muscles are like an elastic band. The more you stretch, the more flexible they become. The less you stretch, the stiffer they become.

When you wake up, find ways to stretch. Move all your body parts naturally. Kneel, crawl, bend, pull, push, and relax. The more you stretch, the more flexible you will be.

And in your old age, you will need this flexibility very much. Don’t be just another statistic or the person who slipped in the bathroom due to stiffness.

What we eat is the fuel for the body.

For the body to move, it needs fuel. What we eat and drink defines the quality of the fuel that we feed into our body. Good fuel will improve the efficiency of the body during its movement. Bad fuels will result in poor performance and in the long run, damage the body.

Most of my grandmother’s diet came from her farm. She had maize flour, rice, beans, vegetables, eggs, meat and spices around her. She ate the same diet as her ancestors.

And her cooking was as simple as it gets, mostly boiled. On rare occasions she would use cooking oil, which we brought to her.

If you own a car, you would not add fuel to it that was not meant to be used. You cannot use petrol for a diesel car despite both of them being fuel. You certainly would not use water in a petrol car.

The same goes for the body; it was not designed to consume certain foods and drinks to function properly. Yet humans have found a way to do just that, whether out of ignorance, addiction, or reasons we cannot explain.

Humans consume substances that affect the body every day, from processed foods to strong alcohol and cigarettes. And just like a car that would eventually break down after being filled with the wrong fuel, the body responds in kind.

Non-communicable diseases are the side effects of abusing the body. High blood pressure from too much alcohol and meat, or cancer from smoking, shows how the body responds to bad habits.

Our ancestors had simple diets, eating and drinking things they found in nature. Next time you shop or dine, ask yourself: what would your grandmother think of your dish?

Give your body the right fuel and it will perform well for you. If you are already regularly consuming unhealthy foods and drinks, do your best to have them in moderation.

When we rest influences how we perform

In all the years I have known my grandmother, she hasn’t liked us staying at her place late at night. She wanted to go to bed earlyand wake up early. She said her God used the sun as a guide for her life.

When the sun comes up she has to get up, and when the sun sets, she goes to sleep. Scientifically, there is evidence that our bodies function according to circadian rhythms. We function properly when we rise with the sun and rest at sunset.

If you can, do your best to follow nature. Wake up early, start your day. Wind up when the sun sets and go to sleep. That is the natural rest your body needs.

Yes, you can push a car to the maximum, day and night, on long drives; but at what cost? For how long?

Our bodies function in the same way; you can push them for days, weeks, or even months. But eventually, exhaustion will catch up and you will break. And that cost is too much to pay. You can repair and replace cars, but you can’t do that with our bodies.

Find ways to rest your body. Sleep when you can, at least seven to eight hours. Take breaks during high-intensity activities. Recharge and get away after finishing demanding long-term projects.

My grandmother went to bed early to ensure she had enough energy for the day. When it’s not the planting or harvesting season, she has less physical work. This helps her body rest and recover.

In summary, our bodies need movement, nutrients, and rest to work well for as long as possible. Pay attention to that, and you won’t worry about being unfit, overweight, or getting preventable diseases.

The mind

Our bodies are the vehicles that carry life inside them; the mind is how we interpret life.

There’s a well-known story about twins raised by an alcoholic father. As they grew up, they chose different paths. The first twin became an alcoholic. When asked why, he said, “My father was an alcoholic, what else did you expect?”

The second twin grew up hating alcohol. When asked why, he replied, “Because my father was an alcoholic. I didn’t like how he acted, how he treated us, or how he ruined his life.” “I didn’t want to be like him.”

Identical twins lived in the same home with the same father, but they had different outcomes. That is how the mind works. It shapes how we see the world, how we interpret events and , experience our own version of reality.

I heard a story about my grandmother’s first house burning down. The fire destroyed everything she had spent years building.

When her children offered to help her move to town for a fresh start, she said, “I will build a new house, set up new farms, and plan my crops again.” “I did it the first time; I can do it again.”

True to her word, she did exactly that. Until the day she died, she stayed on her lands. And they buried her on those lands. That was the power of her mindset.

The three key things about the mind are: clarity, discipline and peace.

Clarity

Clarity is the ability to see things as they are and embrace them. As mentioned earlier, different people can interpret the same situation differently. One person can see a six and another sees a nine depending on your perspective.

Put yourself in situations where you can see things clearly. This way, you’ll improve your perception and make better decisions.

Diverse environments and perspectives foster clarity.

Make it a habit to meet new people, visit different places, and seek diverse information sources like books. These habits will give you the tools to build clarity.

Discipline

The mind is a mischievous thing; it can be a master or a servant depending on how you use it. If you don’t do anything intentional, the mind will come up with some of the craziest things imaginable.

Discipline your mind regularly, and you can reach your goals. You’ll also enjoy life in inspiring ways. People will even call you a genius.

You need to be able to train your mind on what to think, when to think and how to process information. You need to assert control over your thought patterns.

If you let it run free, problems will find you. This includes addictions, laziness, worries, and fear. Most of life’s problems come from a lack of discipline.

Every problem caused by a lack of discipline stems from a failure to control the mind.

Peace

You have heard the saying “you need peace of mind in life”.”

Lack of clarity and discipline tends to create chaos in the mind. This makes life experience miserable.

Some people struggle to find peace in their relationships. They may lack clarity in choosing the right partners. They also need discipline to build and maintain healthy relationships. Sometimes, it’s important to let go of unhealthy ones too.

Some people lack peace of mind in their work and careers. This often happens because they didn’t get clear guidance when choosing jobs, businesses, or activities they spent years in. They also lack the discipline to change their professional direction.

Peace of mind is a result of clarity and discipline; do your best to cultivate both and you will harvest it.

Sadly, no one can bring you peace of mind. You have to build it for yourself.

Most of human problems come from the mind. Lack of clarity and discipline will always lead to lack of peace of mind. Learn to work on them and you will add a key tool to your life.

Your mindset shapes how you see life. To find peace of mind, you need clarity and discipline. This helps you interpret life in a way that’s right for you.

The spirit

This is a topic that is somewhat taboo for most people. Out of ignorance, manipulation and uncertainty, most people struggle with spiritual issues.

When my grandmother said, “I am God’s favourite daughter,” I felt church leaders had influenced her. It seemed she believed everything in life revolved around God. I have a lot of friends and relatives who make the topic of God annoying or suspicious.

I now realise that my grandmother was talking about the spiritual part of her health. My research revealed three key things: the meaning of life, aligning with that meaning, and believing in something greater.

Meaning

Life can mean anything to anyone; that is what makes it complicated. My grandma’s meaning and my meaning are like day and night. My meaning is different from yours. That is what makes it meaningful too.

In my quest to understand life’s meaning, I learned to pause and ask myself these questions:

Why am I here?

What is my life for?

What makes suffering worthwhile?

What is worth giving my life for?

I discovered the meaning of life by accepting that I must be my best self. I also aim to help others become their best selves during our short time here. My life is to serve, and it’s worth all the suffering it takes to do that.

Hearing a sibling, family member, friend, or even a stranger saying that I changed their life for the better brings me so much joy. Knowing this makes all my efforts worthwhile.

I have enjoyed reading stories since grade three at St Joseph Primary School. I have never stopped finding knowledge and applying it to my life. I have never stopped sharing it with the world any way I can.

I share knowledge through one-on-one conversations over lunch, long phone calls from miles away, or the internet. I do this via pictures, videos, audio, or any medium that emerges.

I never stopped doing that when I was in primary school, secondary school, university, or working at PwC. I didn’t stop when I launched my first startup, and I haven’t stopped now that I am an experienced entrepreneur.

This is my purpose. This gives my life meaning: being my best self and helping others do the same through stories and thought-provoking ideas. What is yours?

Take time out of your busy life and answer the questions:

Why am I here?

What is my life for?

What makes suffering worthwhile?

What is worth giving my life for?

If you don’t fix that, you’ll always feel something is missing, no matter what you achieve. You will have all the money in the world, the best family and friends, but when you go to sleep, you will feel empty.

You have spent years fitting into other people’s versions of the meaning of life. Someone told you to go to school, get the job and work until retirement, then die. Is that it for you?

You may have heard about a business opportunity that promises a lot of money. If you start it and it becomes profitable, how will you know when you have enough? What will you do with that wealth?

Someone said you should become a leader and accumulate power, and so you did. But then when will you know it’s enough power? What will you do after the power changes hands?

What you have, what you do, who you know, and where you are don’t define your life’s meaning. So, pause, reset, and ask yourself the big questions.

Why am I here?

What is my life for?

What makes suffering worthwhile?

What is worth giving my life for?

Once you answer that, you will quickly sort out what you do, with whom, and how. Life on its own has no meaning. You will need to find your own meaning and assign it to life. If you won’t, then someone will assign their meaning to you.

Alignment

If figuring out meaning is the first step, then living your life by that meaning is the next.

The first problem in life is living without establishing the meaning of our lives. The second problem is knowing that purpose but not living up to it.

Many people find meaning in life by serving their community. This can happen through business, community work, religion, or politics. But most people are employed. They never quit to pursue that meaning for a lot of reasons. And they hate Mondays when they go to work.

Many entrepreneurs build wealth through ventures they don’t care about. In turn, they often give away much of that money to causes they truly care about.

Living contrary to your purpose is betraying your spirit. In the Holy Bible, Luke chapter 9 verse 25, it says “what profit is there for one to gain the whole world yet lose himself?”. And in the Quran, Surah Al-Baqarah (2:90), it says “miserable is the price they have sold their souls for..”

A well-known example of living in contradiction to one’s purpose is that of Judas Iscariot. Most are familiar with the account of how Judas betrayed Jesus, but we never followed up on what happened after that.

Matthew 27:3 says, when Judas saw that Jesus had been condemned, he was filled with remorse. He returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders. In the following verse, he said “I have sinned, for I have betrayed innocent blood.”

After that, he threw the money into the temple and left, and hanged himself (Matthew 27:5).

Can you picture the pain Judas felt? He returned the money, showed regret publicly, and then took his own life. The price we pay for a soul not at peace is immeasurable, no matter what you accomplish in life.

If you hate going to work on Mondays but get excited for Fridays, your actions don’t align with your life’s meaning and purpose.

If you dislike spending time with your girlfriend, wife, husband, or anyone else, it’s likely due to a mismatch with your life’s meaning and purpose.

If you have money, cars, buildings, power, and status but still feel empty, it might be because your actions don’t match your life’s purpose and meaning.

The solution is simple: pause and ask yourself:

Why am I here?

What is my life for?

What makes suffering worthwhile?

What is worth giving my life for?

When you get the answers, your job is to live each day according to them.

Living for something bigger than yourself

When my grandmother said, “I am God’s favorite daughter,” she showed a deep understanding of life. She believed there was something much bigger than herself.

I asked about her physical health and body, but her answer included everything. She embraced that there is something bigger than her, her God. And she believed that, for everything she had been through, she was God’s favorite.

She decided to live her life with that perspective. It shaped how she moved, what she ate and drank. It helped her find clarity, build discipline, discover the meaning of her life, and live by it.

The best way to understand life is to accept that something bigger than you is at work in the universe. Now with globalization and information, we use the word God.

Whether one is a Muslim, Christian, or Hindu, the concept of God is universal. Even those who aren’t religious recognise there’s something bigger and more powerful in the universe beyond humans.

Some call it ancestors, some call it Karma, some call it the Universe and some just say nature. What everyone accepts is we as humans have limited power, awareness, influence and information about a lot going on in the world.

We need an anchor point and a compass that will lead us to the promised land. If your religion says that land is heaven, then well and good. If it says a place called Nirvana, that is fine too. If others call it a flow state or awakening, it’s also fine.

Join a community of people who share your values, beliefs about life, and faith in a higher power. That tends to bring peace to the spirit.

Some of the most miserable people on earth are the ones who are only doing things for themselves. They live only in their heads and have no hope or faith in something bigger than them.

Life becomes easier by embracing that there is a higher power at play in the universe. This view helps you find better answers about your purpose in life.

This brings clarity and discipline, helping the mind stay consistent in living according to our purpose. Such focus makes choices about what to eat, drink, how to move, and when to rest easier. You’ll have a clear purpose to guide you. And you need to be in your best physical, mental, and spiritual condition to do that.

I wish I could have a deeper chat with Anna, my grandma, about her health by considering her body, mind, and spirit. But I know she would touch on these major points.

She would likely have suggested I read this at her funeral. It shares the best lesson about health and a meaningful life. Since you were not in her life, please consider this her eulogy.

You might not be sick, but it doesn’t mean you are healthy. A fit body can still have a chaotic mind, that is not healthy. A fit mind with a stiff and exhausted body is not healthy. A fit body with a sharp mind is nothing if the soul is not in alignment.

Remember that your body carries life, your mind interprets it and your soul brings meaning to it.

Until then,

Think deeply. Live deliberately.

Watushule

Kusini mwa Afrika, Ufalme wa Zulu uliinuka na kupata nguvu. Kufikia karne ya 19, upanuzi wake ulikuwa mkubwa sana kiasi kwamba uliwalazimisha baadhi ya makabila kuikimbia Zululand. Zwangendaba aliwaongoza watu wa Ngoni kutoka Zululand.

Aliwaongoza watu wake hadi Ziwa Tanganyika. Ziwa hili linapakana na Tanzania, Jamhuri ya Kidemokrasia ya Kongo, Burundi, na Zambia. Zwangendaba aliwaruhusu watu wake kuchukua maeneo ya makazi katika ukanda huo. Moja ya makundi hayo lilienda hadi kijiji cha Peramiho huko Songea, kusini mwa Tanzania.

Miongoni mwa watu waliohamia Peramiho alikuwemo kijana shupavu aitwaye Mphami Chitingili pamoja na kaka yake. Walipata wenza na kufunga na kuanzisha nao familia. Wakatengeneza marafiki na majirani huku wakilea familia yao.

Baada ya miaka kadhaa, wamisionari kutoka Ujerumani walikuja kwenye maeneo yao. Padre Cassian Spiss alianzisha Peramiho Abbey tarehe 31 Julai 1898. Alitoka katika shirika la Missionary Benedictines la mtakatifu Ottilien na alikuwa amewasili Afrika Mashariki mwaka 1888.

Kufikia mwaka 1910, utawala wa kikoloni wa Kijerumani ulikuwa umechukua udhibiti wa kijeshi wa Peramiho. Uwepo huo wa kijeshi pia uliimarisha uwepo wa wamisionari wa Kijerumani.

Wale waliopinga waliuawa au kulazimishwa kukumbatia utamaduni wa Kijerumani. Mphami alikuwa miongoni mwa wachache waliokimbia kijiji hicho ili kuukwepa ushawishi huo. Baada ya kuondoka katika eneo la wamisionari, aliingia katika jamii ya Kiislamu. Akasilimu na kuwa muislamu.

Watu wengine waliobaki waliingia chini ya udhibiti wa jeshi la Kijerumani. Nao wakaunganishwa kwenye jumuiya ya kimisionari, wakabatizwa na kuwa wakristo. Humo alikuwemo kaka yake Mphami, yeye akawa mkristo.

Kufikia katikati ya miaka ya 1900, familia ya Mphami ilikuwa imekua hadi kufikia watoto zaidi ya kumi, wajukuu zaidi ya thelathini, vitukuu zaidi ya sabini, na vilembwe wengi. Kaka yake Mphami naye alikuwa na familia ya ukubwa unaokaribiana na huo.

Mama yangu alikuwa miongoni mwa mamia ya vitukuu wa kike wa Mphami Chitingili. Ili mimi nizaliwe, ilihitajika mlolongo mgumu wa matukio kutokea kwa Mphami. Na yeye kuna vingi vilitokea mpaka kufika Peramiho kutoko kusini mwa Afrika.

Aliacha ndugu wengine, familia, marafiki, jamaa na majirani. Na huo ni upande mmoja tu wa historia ya familia yangu; hatuwezi hata kwenda ndani zaidi upande wa baba yangu.

Katika mchakato wa kujitambua, ilinibidi kuwaelewa wote ninaohusiana nao. Mbali na ndugu zangu wa tumbo moja, nina ndugu wengi upande wa baba na mama. Nina marafiki wengi niliowatengeneza kwa muda na mazingira tofauti. Nimewahi kupenda, kupendwa na kuwa kwenye mahusiano mengi ya kimapenzi pia.

Hiyo ndiyo njia aliyopitia Mphami Chitingili, na hiyo ndiyo njia ambayo kila mtu hupitia. Katika maisha yetu, tutajikuta tukiwa kwenye mahusiano mengi. Sisi ni sehemu ya familia fulani, na tutapenda au kuanzisha familia zetu wenyewe. Katika safari hii yote, pia tunapata ndugu na marafiki.

Sote tunaweza kukubaliana kwamba mahusiano ni muhimu zaidi maishani, lakini pia ndiyo magumu zaidi. Tunawahitaji watu ili kuishi vizuri, lakini watu pia ndio chanzo cha baadhi ya maumivu yetu makubwa sana.

Kwenye yale mambo muhimu matatu kwenye maisha, kazi, afya na mahusiano, hayo ya kwanza ya kazi na afya yanategemea sana mtu peke yake. Lakini mahusiano ni tofauti.

Yanamhusisha binadamu mwingine mwenye mahitaji, majeraha, matarajio, nafsi, kumbukumbu, na uhuru wake. Hilo ndilo linaloyafanya kuwa sehemu yenye maana zaidi maishani, lakini pia ngumu zaidi.

Watu waliomo katika maisha yetu wanaweza kuwa baraka zetu kubwa zaidi au mizigo yetu mikubwa zaidi. Lengo la makala hii ni kujadili vitu muhimu vya kujua na kuzingatia kwenye mahusiano yetu.

Kama ambavyo tulijadili kuwa vitu muhimu kwenye maisha vinakuja kwa tatu, basi na mahusiano pia yana nguzo tatu:

Familia, Marafiki, na Mapenzi

1. Familia

Familia ina ushawishi mkubwa kwa sababu ndio chimbuko la mahusiano yetu binadamu. Kabla haujajitambua na kujua maisha ni nini, unakuwa umechaguliwa kuwa kwenye familia.

Hadithi ya Mphami ilianza na familia yake. Sijui nini kilimtokea baba yake au ndugu zake wengine huko Zululand. Alihama pamoja na kaka yake. Mimi sikuwa na chaguo la kuwa sehemu ya ukoo wa Mphami kupitia kwa mama yangu. Mama yangu pia hakuchagua.

Kila mmoja wetu hakuwa na nafasi ya kuchagua familia aliyozaliwa ndani yake. Hata hivyo familia ndio inatengeneza msingi wa kwanza wa namna tunavyoiona dunia.

Familia inatengeneza misingi mikuu miwili ambayo mara nyingi inakuwa nasi mpaka mwisho wa safari yetu hapa duniani.

Kwanza, tunajifunza na kufyonza imani muhimu za maisha, kama vile dini, mitazamo ya kisiasa, fedha, na maadili. Wanafamilia wote waliotokana na Mphami walikuwa Waislamu. Aliikubali imani hiyo na akawalea katika njia hiyo. Wanafamilia wote waliotokana na kaka yake Mphami waliishia kuwa Wakristo.

Mimi nilizaliwa na wazazi wa dini tofauti: mama yangu akiwa Mwislamu na baba yangu akiwa Mkristo. Lenzi yangu ya kuutazama ulimwengu si sawa na ya wale waliozaliwa na wazazi wawili Wakristo au wawili Waislamu.

Asili za kitamaduni pia huunda mtazamo huo. Watu waliokulia nje ya Uislamu au Ukristo huutazama ulimwengu kwa mila na desturi tofauti. Kabla ya kukubali dini mpya, Mphami na kaka yake walifuata imani za jadi za Kizulu zilizokuwa za kawaida kwa familia za kusini mwa Afrika.

Watu wa bara la Asia wengi hawafuati ukristo wala uislamu, wahindi na waarabu wengi wana imani zao pia. Hii ni kwasababu walizaliwa kwenye familia zinazofuata mila, tamaduni na desturi zao. Na wengi huishi maisha yao bila kubadilisha.

Wengi wetu hufuata dini tuliyofundishwa na familia zetu, na mara nyingi imani hizo hubaki nasi maisha yote. Hilo linaweza kutufanya tuwahukumu wale wasioshiriki dini yetu na kuwaunga mkono wale wanaoshiriki imani yetu.

Hali ni ileile kwa siasa. Ikiwa familia yako ilikuwa inapenda chama fulani cha kisiasa au wazo fulani, kuna uwezekano mkubwa nawe ukashikamana nalo maisha yote.

Kama unatoka katika familia tajiri, utakuwa na mtazamo tofauti kuhusu fedha. Unaweza kuamini kwamba watu wanaweza kutumia fedha kufanya mema katika jamii. Huenda una ujuzi, uzoefu, na maarifa kuhusu namna ya kupata fedha, kuzisimamia, na kuzikuza.

Kama ulikulia katika familia yenye matatizo ya fedha, unaweza kuamini kwamba matajiri wengi ni waovu. Unaamini kwamba fedha ndiyo chanzo cha maovu yote. Kwa hiyo, huenda ukakosa ujuzi na uzoefu wa kutafuta, kuhifadhi, na kukuza fedha. Unakuwa katika mzunguko usioisha wa kuhangaika.

Kama ulikulia katika familia iliyovunjika au nyumba isiyo na furaha, kuna uwezekano mkubwa ukaumba hali kama hiyo baadaye maishani. Hautazami familia na maadili yake kama wale waliokulia katika familia imara.

Haukuwa na chaguo la familia yako, imani zao za dini, siasa, mtazamo kuhusu fedha na mahusiano. Ila una uwezo wa kuchagua zipi zimekusaidia, zipi hazina mashiko na zipi unataka kwenda nazo kwenye familia unayotengeneza.

Tafuta maadili kwa watu wengine na katika familia zao yanayokutia hamasa. Anza kuyaingiza katika maisha yako mwenyewe. Bado haujachelewa. Usipofanya hivyo, utarudia kutengeneza familia kama uliyotoka ndani yake.

Pili, familia zetu hutuwekea matarajio yaliyoundwa na historia zao na drama zao. Kila mtu mwenye jina la ukoo kama lako anaamini kuwa ana haki na jambo la kusema kuhusu maisha yako.

Wengi wetu hubeba mizigo bila hata kusimama kujiuliza kwa nini tunaibeba. Hatuangalii shinikizo hizo za kifamilia. Badala yake, tunaendelea mbele huku tukibeba mizigo isiyotuhusu.

Nina shangazi ambaye kila mara ananiuliza nitaoa lini. Wakati huohuo, binti yake ndoa yake haijadumu zaidi ya miaka mitano. Lakini bado anahisi ana haki ya kuniambia namna ya kuishi maisha yangu.

Nina binamu wa mbali. Anafikiri ninapaswa kumsaidia kupata kazi na kuwahudumia watoto wake aliowapata bila mpango kwa sababu tu wote tuna jina la ukoo moja. Nina ndugu ambao wana roho mbaya na wabinafsi, na wanategema niwe mvumilivu kwao kwa sababu tu eti“damu ni nzito kuliko maji.”

Sote hubeba mizigo hii katika maisha yetu yote. Lakini ili kuishi maisha mazuri, tunahitaji kusimama na kuishusha. Lazima tuchague kwa busara ni mizigo na matarajio gani tuyahifadhi na yapi tuyatupilie mbali.

Unahitaji kuweka mipaka kwa kila mtu katika familia na ukoo wako. Ni maisha yako, kwa hiyo unaweza kumwambia mtu yeyote hapana. Hilo linawahusu hata wazazi wako au hata yule bibi pale mtaani anayesema kuwa ni bibi yako kwasababu yeye alisoma na bibi yako shule ya msingi. Haujawahi kumuona maishani, lakini anategemea umtunze na kumjali.

Familia haziweki shinikizo, matarajio, au madai kwa mtu ambaye hafanyi chochote kikubwa. Wanadai vitu hivyo kwa sababu kuna jambo fulani linaendelea katika maisha yako. Mara tu jambo hilo linaposimama, unapoteza umuhimu kwao.

Sote tunawajua wanafamilia ambao hawaalikwi kwenye matukio. Hawapewi kipaumbele na hawaulizwi kuhusu chochote. Usiposimama na kuishusha mizigo yako, siku moja hautabaki na chochote, na hautakuwa tena na nafasi ndani ya familia.

Ndugu ambao walikuwa wanaomba misaada kwa baba aliyekuwa na kazi, biashara na uwezo kiuchumi ndio ndugu hao hao ambao huenda mahakamani kudai mirathi ya familia ya baba aliyefariki.

Kaka na dada ambao wanadamu nzito kuliko maji ndio hao wanaogombania mali za wazazi, wengine wanafikia hatua ya kuuana.

Njia bora ya kushughulika na familia na ndugu ni kuwa wa makusudi na mipaka.

Kuwa wa makusudi kuhusu muda, rasilimali, na nguvu unazowapa. Usishughulikiane nao kwa sababu tu ni wanafamilia na mna jina moja la ukoo. Shughulikiana nao kwa sababu ni watu wazuri wanaokujali, na wewe pia unawajali. Unafurahia kuwa pamoja nao.

Ni muhimu kujijenga kwanza wewe binafsi ili uwe na uwezo wa kuwajenga wengine. Hauwezi kutoa msaada ambao hauna kwa sababu ya matarajio ya watu. Usikubali kubeba mizigo ambayo haikuhusu kwa sababu damu ni nzito kuliko maji.

2. Marafiki

Kumbukumbu yangu ya kwanza ya marafiki ni Ibrahim, Robert, na Elisha nilipojiunga na chekechea. Nakumbuka baadhi ya vituko vya usumbufu tulivyokuwa tukivifanya wakati wa mapumziko ya chakula cha mchana. Baadaye tuliungana pamoja katika Shule ya Msingi St Joseph’s.

Nimekutana na marafiki wengi katika hatua tofauti za maisha, kuanzia shule ya msingi na chuo kikuu hadi sehemu mbalimbali za kazi. Wengine niliwapata kupitia mpira wa miguu, na wengine kwenye mitandao ya jamii.

Na pia nimepoteza marafiki wengi maishani. Nilipoteza mawasiliano na marafiki mara tu tulipomaliza shule au chuo kikuu. Nilipoteza uhusiano na wengi nilipoacha tu kazi. Nilipoteza marafiki niliowapata kwa sababu nilibadilisha sehemu ya kuishi, Nimewapoteza wengine kwa kifo.

Marafiki tofauti katika hatua tofauti za maisha walinijenga kuwa nilivyo. Baadhi yao walinijengea mazoea mazuri, msukumo, hekima, na roho ya kuthubutu. Wengine walikuwa washawishi wakubwa wa tabia zangu zote mbaya nilizozijenga.

Sote tunakusanya marafiki tofauti katika hatua tofauti za maisha. Urafiki ni mahusiano ya pekee kwa sababu ni familia tunayochagua. Hata hivyo, pia ni familia ambayo tunaweza kuiachia kwa urahisi zaidi kuliko ndugu zetu wa damu pindi njia zetu zinapotofautiana.

Utafiti unaonyesha kwamba kila mtu, katika umri wowote, huwa na marafiki wachache tu wa kweli. Hao ni watu watakaokuwapo unapowahitaji, watasherehekea ushindi wako, na kuhisi maumivu yako.

Ni muhimu kuwatambua hao marafiki wako wachache na kujitahidi kuwa rafiki mwema kwao. Kuna mtu aliwahi kusema kuwa binadamu anakuwa na tabia zinazoendana na wastani wa watu watano wanaomzunguka.

Tambua marafiki zako wa kweli watano na wekeza nguvu kwao. Kujuana na watu wengi haimaanishi una marafiki wengi. Ukipata shida kwenye maisha una watu chini ya watano ambao watakua tayari kuhangaika na wewe usiku na mchana. Ukiwa na mafanikio utapata watu hata kwa maelfu.

Pia usichanganye watu unaojuana nao au unaofanya nao kazi na kuhisi hao ni rafiki zako. Hao ni wafanyakazi wenzako. Wote mpo hapo kutafuta riziki sio marafiki. Ikitokea inabidi wachague wewe na kazi unajua watakachochagua, kwasababu na wewe ungefanya hivyo pia.

Kudumisha urafiki kunahitaji uwe wa makusudi. Mnahitaji kuwasiliana mara kwa mara. Mnahitaji kupata muda wa kukutana na kuzungumza. Unahitaji kuwapo kwa ajili yao katika nyakati zao za raha na shida.

Ukifikiri kwamba wewe ndiye wa muhimu zaidi katika urafiki, watu wataona. Na polepole wataanza kujitenga na wewe. Hakuna mtu anayetaka kuwa mwigizaji wa pembeni katika hadithi yako ya maisha yenye ubinafsi.

Usidanganyike na kujifanya muhimu sana kwa marafiki. Kila siku wao ndio wakutafute wewe. Kila siku wao ndio wasapoti biashara yako, malengo yako na ndoto zako. Kila siku wao ndio wakutembelee. Urafiki ni majukumu ya pande mbili.

Marafiki wa kweli hawajali kama wewe ni tajiri au maskini. Hawajali kama una cheo kikubwa au kidogo. Hawajali kama wewe ni maarufu au la. Hawajali kama una sura nzuri au la. Wataishi na wewe kwa namna ileile na watakuwa waaminifu kwako. Na wewe pia unapaswa kufanya vivyo hivyo.

Marafiki bora ni wale uliowapata wakati hauna kitu, una matatizo na unapitia shida. Marafiki bora ni wale uliowatengeneza utotoni, shuleni au chuoni. Marafiki bora ni wale wanaokujua wewe nje ya mitandao ya jamii.

Unavyozidi kuzeeka, ndivyo inavyokuwa vigumu zaidi kupata marafiki wazuri na wa kweli. Jifunze kushikilia urafiki uliojenga tangu utotoni. Ni vigumu kuwabadilisha marafiki wa kweli wa muda mrefu.

3. Mahusiano ya kimapenzi

Mara ya kwanza nilipohisi kuvutiwa na mtu ambaye hakuwa familia wala rafiki nilikuwa na umri wa miaka kumi na miwili. Kulikuwa na msichana mmoja aliyehamia katika shule yetu ya msingi St Joseph. Nilijikuta nikihisi kutokuwa sawa akiwa karibu nami.

Alipokuwa karibu, nilijikuta nikikosa maneno. Niligundua nilikuwa na aibu zaidi, kimya zaidi, na tofauti. Kwa kawaida nilikuwa naongea sana, matani na mizaha mingi mno. Lakini nikiwa karibu naye, yote hayo yalitoweka. Pia niligundua nilikuwa nampa kila alichoniomba: vitabu, daftari, kalamu zangu, na hata chakula changu wakati mwingine.

Wakati huo, sikujua mapenzi ni nini, hivyo nilihisi ni aina fulani tu ya urafiki kwa mwanamke. Tulipomaliza shule ya msingi na kila mmoja kwenda njia yake bila mimi kukiri hisia zangu, niligundua kuwa yale ndio mahaba.

Miaka imepita sasa; nina uzoefu wa kupenda na kupenda. Nimejifunza kwamba unaweza kumpenda mtu, na kutaka kuwa naye muda wote. Pia nimejifunza kwamba unaweza kumpenda mtu na usitake kabisa kuwa na jambo lolote na yeye.

Watu wanaanzisha mahusiano ya kimapenzi kwa sababu tofauti. Wengine huhisi vipepeo visivyoelezeka tumboni wanapokuwa karibu na mtu fulani. Wengine huvutiwa na muonekano wa watu.

Kwa baadhi, ni kwa sababu watu hao huwafanya wajisikie wa pekee. Kwa wengine, ni kwa sababu wametumia muda mwingi nao kiasi kwamba wameambatana nao kihisia.Wengine huingia kwa sababu familia au jamii imepanga hivyo.

Katika maisha yangu, nimejifunza kwamba namna unavyoanza uhusiano wa kimapenzi si jambo muhimu sana. Muhimu ni nani unaanza naye mahusiano na unafaya vitu gani kwenye hayo mahusiano.

Watu wawili hujenga mahusiano wa kimapenzi. Kadiri kunavyokuwa na mwingilio mdogo kutoka kwa wengine—ikiwemo familia, marafiki, na wenzangu wa kazi—ndivyo ilivyo bora zaidi.

Kama watu wawili walio kwenye uhusiano hawana msimo na maamuzi ya pamoja basi msingi mzima wa mahusiano yao unakuwa ni dhaifu.

Mtazamo wangu kuhusu mahusiano ya kimapenzi unaweza kufupishwa katika mambo matatu:

Jambo la kwanza ni kumkubali mwenzako kama alivyo. Binadamu tumeumbwa tofauti, tumelelewa tofauti na tumepitia maisha tofauti. Na mpenzi wako naye ni hivyo hivyo. Kumpenda au kukupenda wewe haifanyi yeye aache kuwa tofauti.

Mpenzi wako haioni dunia kama unavyoiona wewe. Familia yake ilimpa mitazamo na malezi tofauti na wewe. Marafiki zake wamemjengea tabia tofauti na zako. Mahusiano yake yaliyopita yalikuwa na watu tofauti na wewe. Kama ambavyo wewe ni wa utofauti na yeye.

Hiyo ina maana kwamba haoni ulimwengu kama wewe unavyouona. Hawezi kuwa kama wewe. Hakuna tatizo lolote kwa mtu mwingine kuwa tofauti. Wewe unaweza kuona sita na yeye akaona tisa katika hali ileile, na huenda nyote wawili mkawa sahihi.

Kukubali tofauti za mwenza wako kutakusaidia kumthamini na kumpenda kwa jinsi alivyo. Kushindwa kufanya hivyo ni mafuta ya mabishano yasiyo ya lazima, drama, na mateso.

Pili, kila mwenza lazima ajifunze jinsi ya kuwasiliana na mwenzake. Kila kitu maishani hurudi kwenye mawasiliano. Nchi huingia vitani kwa sababu ya mawasiliano mabovu, na nchi huunda ushirikiano kwa sababu ya mawasiliano mazuri.

Mawasiliano mazuri huleta amani kwa wenzi wa kimapenzi, lakini mawasiliano mabovu huleta migogoro. Kujua nini cha kusema, wakati gani wa kusema, na namna gani ya kusema ni jambo la msingi sana. Hilo humsaidia mtu mwingine ajisikie kuheshimiwa, kupendwa, na kutunzwa.

Kama una mpenzi ambaye hajui muda wa kuongea, muda wa kukaa kimya, muda wa kuomba msamaha basi kuna shida kubwa sana. Kama wewe haujui kitu gani cha kusema mbele za watu na kitu gani cha kusubiri mkiwa wawili basi una changamoto.

Jambo la tatu ni kwamba mahusiano ya kimapenzi hayapo ili kumkamilisha mtu yeyote. Hili huenda likawa jambo muhimu zaidi. Hauingii kwenye mahusiano ukiwa umevunjika ukitarajia mwenza wako akukamilishe au akurekebishe. Wala wewe si mkamilifu kiasi cha kumrekebisha mwenza wako au kumkamilisha.

Kauli kama “mke akiwa na furaha, ndoa na maisha huwa na furaha” ni uongo tu. Unahitaji mtu mwenye furaha ili kujenga maisha yenye furaha. Ikiwa mume hana furaha, hakuna kitu atakachoweza kumpa mke wake ili awe na furaha. Mume asiye na furaha anapojaribu kumfurahisha mke wake, hiyo ni tiketi ya majanga.

Ni muhimu kujijenga wewe na kuwa bora ili uweze kulete ubora kwenye mahusiano. Hauwezi kumsaidia mtu anayezama kama haujui kuogelea. Jifunze kuwa na furaha ukiwa peke yako, na utaumba mazingira ya furaha pamoja na mwenza wako.

Jifunze kujitegemea mwenyewe kwanza kabla ya kutegemewa na mwenza wako. Jifunze kujipenda mwenyewe kabla haujatoa upendo kwa mtu. Jifunze kujijali mwenyewe kabla haujaanza kumjali mtu.

Ukimpata mwenza ambaye na yeye ana furaha akiwa peke yake, anajitegemea, anajipenda na kujithamini basi atakuja kwenye mahusiano akiwa bora zaidi na mahusiano yatakuwa na nafasi kubwa ya kukua.

Ingawa nimesema kumkubali mwenzako kama alivyo, kujua namna bora ya kuwasiliana na kuhakikisha hauendi kwenye mahusiano ukitegemea mwenza wako akukamilishe bado kuna kitu kimoja muhimu zaidi;

Ni lazima uchague mtu sahihi wa kuingia kwenye mahusiano. Sio kila mtu ni sahihi kwa ajili yako. Mtu anaweza kuwa sahihi kwa wazazi, marafiki, majirani au mitandao ya jamii lakini sio sahihi kwako.

Ukiwa na mtu ambaye sio sahihi kwenye mahusiano haijalishi utafanya nini, hamna utakachopatia na hamna mtakapofika. Unaweza kufa kwa ajili ya hayo mahusiano na bado utaambiwa haujafa vizuri.

Tumeangalia kwa undani nguzo tatu za mahusiano; familia, marafiki na mapenzi. Na tumeweza kujadili baadhi ya vitu vya muhimu sana kujenga mahusiano bora ili kutengeneza msingi wa nguzo ya maisha ya mahusiano.

Mahusiano yako yakiwa imara, basi kazi na afya yako nayo itakuwa kwenye nafasi nzuri zaidi ya kuwa imara.

Binadamu kwa asili ni viumbe wa mahusiano. Hakuna anayekuwa mtu akiwa peke yake. Uzuri wa mahusiano ndiyo pia unaoyafanya yawe magumu. Mahusiano ni muhimu kwa sababu yana uhai. Hubadilika. Yanahitaji msamaha, subira, mawasiliano, kujitoa, na ukomavu.

Maumivu mengi ya mahusiano hayasababishwi na chuki, bali na kutokomaa. Watu huumizana kwa sababu ya kiburi, ubinafsi, mawasiliano mabovu, kutokujiamini, majeraha ya zamani, na matarajio yasiyo halisi.

Maisha mazuri hayajengwi kwa kukwepa ugumu wa mahusiano, bali kwa kujifunza namna ya kuyashughulikia vizuri. Lengo si kuwa na mahusiano makamilifu. Lengo ni kuwa na mahusiano sahihi kwako.

Safari yangu ilianza muda mrefu kabla ya Mphami Chitingili kutoka Zululand huko Afrika Kusini, na sasa niko hapa pamoja nawe. Huenda unasoma haya ukiwa mwanafamilia, rafiki, mwenzangu wa kazi, jirani, mpenzi, mpenzi wa zamani, au mtu ambaye tulikutana naye mtandaoni.

Najua kuwa mimi nikiwa bora, basi nitakuwa na mahusiano bora kwako. Na wewe ukiwa bora, utakuwa na mahusiano bora na mimi. Na hii ndio njia sahihi ya kujenga mahusiano yako yote, na familia, marafiki na mapenzi.

Makala itakayofuata tuaangalia msingi wa pili wa maisha, afya. Tutaangalia afya ya mwili, akili na roho. Tutaangalia jinsi afya duni inavyoweza kupunguza sana ubora wa maisha yako na kuzuia uwezo wako.

Panapo majaaliwa

Fikiri kwa kina, Ishi kwa makusudi.

Watushule

He took his people to Lake Tanganyika. This lake borders Tanzania, the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Burundi, and Zambia. Zwangendaba allowed his people to form their own territories across these regions. One such group went to the village of Peramiho in Songea, southern Tanzania.

Among the people who moved to Peramiho were a man named Mphami Chitingili and his brother. They fell in love with local women and got married. They formed strong bonds with friends and colleagues while raising their families.

Once they had settled there, a new development occurred. Missionaries from Germany set up camp there and began their work.

Father Cassian Spiss founded Peramiho Abbey on 31 July 1898. He came from the Missionary Benedictines of St. Ottilien and had arrived in East Africa in 1888. By 1910, the German colonial administration had taken military control of Peramiho. This military presence also strengthened the presence of German missionaries.

Those who resisted were either killed or forced to embrace German culture. Mphami was among the few who fled the village to escape this influence. After he left the missionaries’ area, he entered a Muslim community and adapted to it.

The rest of the population fell under German army control. Then, they joined the missionary society. This included Mphami’s brother, who became a Christian.

By the mid-1900s, Mphami’s family grew to ten children, thirty grandchildren, seventy great-grandchildren, and many great-great-grandchildren. Mphami’s brother had a family of similar size.

My mother was among the hundreds of great-great-granddaughters of Mphami Chitingili. It took a complex series of events to bring me to life.

And that’s one leg of my family tree; we can’t go deeper into my father’s side. In the process of understanding myself, I had to understand everyone I am related to. Beyond my siblings, I have fallen in love many times, started establishing my own family, and built a network of friends and colleagues.

It is the same path that Mphami Chitingili went through and the same path that everyone goes through.

In our lifetimes, we will find ourselves in many relationships. We are part of a certain family, and we will fall in love or start families of our own. Throughout this journey, we also gain both relatives and friends.

We can all agree that relationships are the most important and yet the hardest things in life. We need people to live well, but people are also the source of some of our deepest pain.

But relationships are different. They involve another human being with needs, wounds, expectations, egos, memories, and freedoms. This makes them life’s most meaningful yet difficult part.

People in our lives can be our biggest blessings or burdens. Here’s how to view family, friends, work, and love without being naïve or bitter. Let’s explore the idea that the most important things in life come in threes. Here are the three pillars of relationships:

Family, Friends and Romance

1. Family

Family can be influential since it’s often where we first learn about relationships.

Mphami’s story began with his family. I don’t know what happened to his father or his other siblings in Zululand. He migrated with his brother. I had no choice in being part of his bloodline through my mother.

Every one of us never had a say in the family they were born into. Yet families build the foundation for everything that comes into our lives.

We see the world through the lens of family in three ways:

We first learn and absorb key life beliefs, such as religion, political views, money, and values. All family members from Mphami became Muslims. He embraced the faith and raised them in that way. All family members who came from Mphami’s brother ended up being Christians.

I was born to parents of different religions: my mother a Muslim and my father a Christian. My lens on the world is not the same as those born to two Christian or two Muslim parents.

Cultural backgrounds shape this view. People raised outside of Islam or Christianity see the world through different traditions. Before adopting new faiths, Mphami and his brother followed traditional Zulu beliefs typical in Zululand families.

Most of us follow the religions our families taught us, and these beliefs often stay with us for life. This can lead us to judge those who do not share our religion and support those who share our faith.

The same goes for politics. If your family liked a political party or idea, you’re more likely to stick with it for life.

If you come from a wealthy family, you have a different perspective on money. You may believe that people can use money to do good in society. You probably have skills, experience, and knowledge about getting, managing, and growing money.

If you grew up in a family with money issues, you might think most rich people are evil. You believe money is the root of all evil. So, you probably lack the skills and experience to find, keep, and grow money. You are in a rat race.

If you grew up in a broken family or an unhappy home, you’re likely to create a similar situation later. You don’t view family and its values like those raised in strong households. Such people often prioritise family over individual needs.

You can’t change your family’s religion, politics, values, or financial habits. However, you can act now. First, pause and think about the values and beliefs you learned from your family. Consider how these shape your life today.

Look for values in other people and their families that inspire you. Start bringing those values into your own life. It is not too late. If you won’t do that, you are going to replicate the family you came from.

Second, our families affect us by placing expectations shaped by their history and dramas. Everyone with whom you share a surname has something to say about your life.

Many of us carry burdens without stopping to ask why we carry them. We don’t look at these family pressures. Instead, we just keep pushing on, carrying their weight.

I have an aunt who always asks me when I’ll get married. Meanwhile, her daughter got divorced in under five years. Yet she feels entitled to tell me how to live my life.

I have a distant cousin. He thinks I should help him find a job and support his unexpected kids just because we share the same last name. I have siblings who are tough to handle. They expect my patience just because someone said, “blood is thicker than water.”

We all carry these burdens through our entire lives. But to lead a good life, we need to pause and unload them. We must choose wisely which burdens and expectations to keep and which to let go.

You need to set boundaries with everyone in your family and clan. It’s your life, so you can say no to anyone. This includes your parents or even that distant aunt. You may barely know her, yet her expectations still weigh on you.

Families don’t pressure, expect, or demand anything from a member who isn’t doing much. They only demand these things because there is something going on in your life. The moment it stops, you lose your status in their eyes.

We all know family members who aren’t invited to events. They don’t get priority and aren’t asked about anything. If you don’t pause and unload your burdens, one day you will have nothing, and you will have no standing in the family.

The best way to deal with family and relatives is to be intentional.

Be intentional with the time, resources and energy you give them. Do not deal with them just because they are family members, sharing the blood. Deal with them because they are nice people who care about you, and you care about them. You enjoy being together.

Stop keeping horrible people around just because you share a surname.

2. Friends and colleagues

My first memory of friends is Ibrahim, Robert and Elisha in nursery school. I remember some of the mischievous things we used to do during lunch breaks. We later joined St Joseph’s Primary School together. Our days were filled with football and the early twists of teenage relationships.

I have met many friends at different stages of life, from primary school and university to various workplaces. Others I found through street football, shared hobbies, or online communities.

And I lost a lot of friends in life, too. I lost touch with friends as soon as we finished school or university. I lost connection with most of those I worked with. I lost friends I made because we were just living nearby, and I moved or they moved. I lost some to death.

Different friends at different stages of life shaped who I am. Some instilled good habits in me, inspiration, wisdom and adventure. Others were the primary influence behind the bad habits I adopted.

We all collect different friends at different stages of life. Friendships are special relationships because they are the family that we choose. However, they are also a family we can let go of more easily than our biological kin when our paths diverge.

Research shows that everyone, at any age, has only a few true friends. These are people who will be there when you need them, celebrate your wins and feel the pain of your losses.

It is important to identify your few friends and make an effort to be a good friend to them. Whoever said you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with was right.

Most of the people we work with are not our friends;they are our colleagues. If they find themselves in a position to choose between you and their work, they will choose work. And you will do the same. Stop seeking friendships among colleagues.

Maintaining a friendship requires you to be intentional. You need to check on each other from time to time. You need to spend some time together, physically if you can. You need to be there for them on their highs and lows.

If you think you are the special one in a friendship, others will feel it. And they will slowly detach from you. No one wants to be a supporting actor in your selfish life story.

True friends don’t care if you are rich or poor. They don’t care if you have a high position or low. They don’t care if you are famous or not. They don’t care if you are good looking or not. They will treat you the same and be honest with you. And you are should do the same.

As you grow older, it’s even harder to make good and genuine friends. Learn to hold on to the friendships you have built when growing up. It’s hard to replace long-time friends.

3. Romantic relationships

The first time I felt attracted to a person who was neither family nor a friend was around the age of twelve. There was this girl who transferred to our primary school. I found myself uneasy in her presence.

When she was around I found myself speechless. I realized I got more shy, more quiet and different. I usually engaged in conversation, shared jokes, played pranks, and enjoyed playful activities. Around her all that went away. I also realized I was giving her anything she asked for: my books, my notes, my pens and even my food sometimes.

At the time, I didn’t know what love was, so I felt it was just a deeper version of a normal friendship. When we finished primary school and went our separate ways without me confessing my feelings, I realised that was my first love.

Years have passed now; I have had that feeling more than four times. I learned you can love someone, and want to be with them all the time. I also learned you can love someone and want nothing to do with them.

People fall in love for different reasons. Some feel unexplainable butterflies in their stomach around someone. Some are attracted to how people look. For some, it’s because these people make them feel special. For others, it’s because they have spent so much time with them that they get attached.

Romantic relationships are about more than falling in love. People get into romantic relationships for different reasons. Some do so because of love, obviously. For some, it is out of circumstance. Others enter them because family or society arranged it.

In my life, I’ve learned that how you start a romantic relationship doesn’t matter. What really counts is who you are with and how you act within it. That’s what makes it last or fade away in a short time.

Two people build a romantic relationship. The less interference from others—including family, friends, and colleagues—the better.

If the two people in a relationship lack common ground, their bond is weak.

My approach to romantic relationships can be summarised in three points:

The first point is accepting the other person. Your partner has built beliefs, behaviours, and habits over many years. They learned from family, relatives, neighbours, friends, school, work, and places of worship.

That means they are not seeing the world as you do. They are never going to be like you. There is nothing wrong with the other person being different. You can see six and they see nine in the same situation, and you might both be right.

Accepting your partner’s differences will help you appreciate them and love them for who they are. Failing to do so is fuel for unnecessary arguing, drama and suffering.

Second, every partner has to learn how to communicate with each other. Everything in life goes back to communication. Countries go to war due to poor communication. , and countries form alliances due to good communication.

Good communication brings peace to romantic partners, but poor communication leads to conflict. Knowing what to say, when to say it, and how to say it is crucial. This helps the other person feel respected, loved, and cared for.

When voices rise, disrespectful words are thrown around, and stonewalling happens, no good comes of it.

Third is, romantic relationships are not there to complete anyone. This is perhaps the most important point. You don’t go into a relationship broken and expect your partner to complete or fix you. Nor are you perfect enough to fix your partner or complete them.

Phrases like “happy wife, happy life” are just lies. You need a happy person to make a happy life. If the husband is not happy, there is nothing he can offer his wife to make her happy. An unhappy husband trying to make a wife happy is a recipe for disaster.

Focus on personal growth. When you’re content and satisfied, you’ll be ready to support others. This creates a positive atmosphere that others will appreciate in return.

You can’t help a drowning person if you can’t swim. Learn to be happy on your own, and you will create an environment for happiness with your partner. Learn to be strong within yourself, and you will add strength to your partner. Learn to love yourself, and you will truly love your partner.

But all these points will mean nothing if you select the wrong partner. Invest your time, skills and energy in finding the right partner for you. The right one for you might not be the right person for your family, friends, pastor, sheikh or anyone else.

Be honest with yourself. You have an entire lifetime to spend with your partner.

Now that we’ve explored family, friends, and romantic relationships, we can say that:

Human beings are relational by nature. No one becomes a person alone. Family shapes us first. Friends refine us. Love exposes us. Colleagues test us. Society reveals what is in us.

The beauty of relationships is also what makes them difficult. Relationships matter because they are alive. They change. They demand forgiveness, patience, communication, sacrifice, and maturity.

Most relationship pain is not caused by hatred, but by immaturity. People hurt each other because of pride, selfishness, bad communication, insecurity, past wounds, and unrealistic expectations.

A good life is not built by avoiding relationship difficulty, but by learning how to handle it well. The goal is not perfect relationships. The goal is wise, honest, humane relationships.

Other people are not extensions of us. They think, heal, and love differently from we do. Caring deeply for someone means your life isn’t just about you anymore. Relationships reveal more than just who others are. They show us who we are under stress, disappointment, longing, and conflict.

I began my journey long before Mphami Chitingili from Zulu land in South Africa, and now I’m here with you. You might be reading this as a family member, friend, colleague, neighbour, lover, ex-lover, or someone we met online.

Each of you forms one of the bases of my life, relationships. I do my best to be intentional by being the best version of myself, so I can bring the best of me to you.

As the next part of this series also comes in three, we will discuss health. We will explore the body, mind, and spirit. We will look into how poor health can deeply diminish your quality of life and limit your potential.

Until then,

Think Deeply, Live Deliberately.

Watushule

Na nilitoa ahadi kuwa siku zinazofuata nitaelezea kwa undani ni vitu gani ndani ya mahusiano, afya na kazi ni muhimu pia. Lakini kabla sijafikia huko nimeona umuhimu wa kuzungumzia kitu ambacho watu wengi hatupendi kusikia lakini kitatokea kwenye maisha yetu.

Mahusiano, afya na kazi ni muhimu kwenye maisha lakini sio kwa usawa wala kwa wakati mmoja.

Utotoni mahusiano ni kila kitu, familia na ndugu zetu ndio dunia yetu. Maisha yetu yote tunakuwa tunawategemea wao. Tukiwa watu wazima mahusiano yanapungua na kuisha kwa wengi, na nguvu nyingi inakuwa kwenye kazi. Na uzeeni kila kitu kinategemea afya.

Kitu kikubwa kinachobadilisha hivyo vyote ni muda. Muda ndio unafanya kitu gani kiwe muhimu na wakati gani. Na kitu kikubwa kuhusu muda ni kuwa una mwisho wake. Tulisema kuwa maisha yana mwanzo, kati na mwisho. Binadamu wanazaliwa, wanaishi, na wanakufa.

Hatukuwa na maamuzi ya kuzaliwa kwetu, hatuna maamuzi ya kufa kwetu. Tunaweza kufanya maamuzi ya mahusiano, afya na kazi kwa muda mfupi tunaopewa duniani.

Haijalishi dini, kabila, elimu, mahusiano, afya na kazi yako, wote tutakufa. Na hakuna anayejua atakufa lini, kwa njia ipi, akiwa wapi na anafanya nini basi ni muhimu kutafakari kwa umakini kuhusu hilo na kuishi maisha yetu tukitambua uhalisia.

Haijalishi kama utajua dhumuni lako la kuwa hai duniani au hautajua, ukifika muda wako kifo kitakutembelea.

Haijalishi kama unakubali dhumuni la kuwa hai duniani ni kutokana na maelezo ya dini au wanasayansi, ukifika muda wako kifo kitakutembelea.

Sikukumbushi kuhusu kifo ili uogope, nakukumbusha ili uanze kuishi.

Ukiweza kujua kwamba uhai wako unaweza kutoka sekunde yeyote baada ya kumaliza kusoma hii, itabidi ukae chini na kutafakari namna bora ya kuishi maisha yako.

Haujui siku wala saa ya kuondoka sasa kwanini unahairisha kufuata ndoto zako? Kwanini unakuwa na kiburi na dharau? Kwanini unaumia watu wasipoelewa ndoto na malengo yako? Kwanini una mkasirikia mtu ambaye pengine ndo ikawa mara ya mwisho kuwasiliana?

Steve Jobs, muanzilishi wa kampuni ya Apple, watengenezaji wa simu za iPhone aliongea vizuri sana namna ambavyo kifo kinamsaidia kuishi vizuri, alisema :

“Nilivyokuwa na miaka 17, nilisoma kitu kinachosema “Ukiishi kila siku kama ni siku yako ya mwisho, kuna siku utakuwa sahihi na itakuwa siku ya mwisho.” Ikanivutia sana kwa sababu ni kweli. Kuanzia pale mpaka leo miaka 33 mbele, kila asubuhi nilikuwa najiangalia kwenye kioo na kujiuliza “ kama leo ingekuwa siku yangu ya mwisho kuwa duniani, ningependa kufanya ninachotaka kukifanya? Nikiona jibu ni hapana kwa siku chache mfululizo najua ni muda wa kufanya mabadiliko “

Sasa hive Steve Jobs ni marehemu, lakini aliishi maisha yake na mchango wake kwa dunia hautasahaulika. Mimi naandika ujumbe Hulu kupitia simu ambayo aliitengenezea musings wa kugunduliwa.

Na mimi nimepoteza watu wa karibu wengi sana ndani ya miaka kumi iliyopita. Ukiachana na kifo cha baba yangu, vifo vya marafiki zangu ambao tulikuwa tunalingana umri viliuma zaidi. Na bado vinaniuma sana.

Rafiki yangu wa kwanza alifariki akiwa usingizini. Kwa miaka mingi niliyomfahamu sikuwahi kusikia anaumwa au ana shida za kiafya za kufanya afariki usingizini. Rafiki yangu alikuwa na mtoto mdogo na alikuwa na malengo ya kufunga ndoa, malengo hayakutimia.

Kila nikienda kulala usiku huwa nafikiria kuwa na mimi naweza nisiamke asubuhi.

Rafiki yangu wa pili alikuwa mfanyabiashara anayepambana sana. Alikuwa na ofisi yake maeneo ya chuo kikuu. Siku moja kafika kazini akawa analalamika njaa ina muuma sana ingawa amekula. Watu wakawa wanacheka na kumtania. Akaagiza chakula tena na akashindwa kula, jioni akalalamika zaidi maumivu ya tumbo. Usiku alipelekwa hospitali na mke wake, akafariki asubuhi yake.

Kila nikisikia njaa baada ya kula napata hofu pengine ni shida kubwa ya kupelekea kifo pia kama rafiki yangu.

Mwanzoni nilikuwa naumia, nalia, na kupata hofu kila nikikumbuka kifo. Marafiki zangu tunaolingana umri wamefariki kwa vitu ambavyo hata mimi vingeweza kunitokea muda wowote. Ilinibidi nikae chini na kutafuta funzo kwenye maumivu yangu.

Nikagundua kifo kipo duniani ili kutukumbusha ufupi wa maisha. Kifo ni hamasa kubwa zaidi kwa viumbe hai vyote, kwa kutambua kuwa utakufa itabidi uishi kwa kusudio lako. Haijalishi kusudio lako ni la kidini, kisayansi au kipagani.

Una muda mchache wa kuwa hai, leo au kesho inaweza kuwa siku yako ya mwisho. Swali ni jee, unatumiaje muda mchache uliokuwa nao. Wewe ni kama mimi, umepoteza marafiki na ndugu wenye umri, rangi, afya na mawazo kama yako au bora kushinda wewe.

Kukumbuka kifo isiwe swala la huzuni, inabidi iwe swala la kukuhamasisha uishi maisha yako. Fuata ndoto zako, penda ndugu na marafiki, cheka kwa sauti, jifunze vitu na ishi maisha yako.

Dhumuni kuu la kuwa hai duniani ni kuishi, na kifo ni ukumbusho bora kabisa.

Siku zinazofuata tutaendelea kuangalia kwa undani vitu muhimu vitatu vya kwenye maisha, mahusiano, afya na kazi, na ni muhimu kuvizingatia vitu hivi tukiwa tunatambua kuwa tutakufa.

Hamasa ya kujua kuwa muda wako duniani ni mchache inakuwa ni sawa na petroli inayohitajika kulifanya gari la maisha yako liende. Kwa njia tofauti na muda tofauti tafuta njia za kujikumbusha kuwa maisha yako yana mwisho.

Shiriki kwenye misiba ya watu, tembelea makaburi ya watu wako waliotangulia, soma na fuatilia kuhusu historia za watu waliofariki. Na hii isikufanye uogope au kukata tamaa ya maisha, bali ikupe hamasa ya kufuata ndoto na malengo yako.

Wiki ijayo tutaanza na undani wa kuhusu mahusiano, na kwanini ni muhimu kwenye maisha ya binadamu. Wazazi, ndugu, jamaa, marafiki, wapenzi wote wana majukumu ya kufanya kwenye maisha yako kwa muda tofauti.

Panapo majaliwa,

Fikiria kwa kina, Ishi kwa maamuzi

Watushule

I promised to dive deeper into the key points within those three topics. Before I do that, I feel the need to address the elephant in the room.

Relationships, health, and work are key. However, they aren’t equally important or relevant at the same time.

When we are young, relationships with our family and relatives mean everything. Our survival depends on it. When we become adults, our survival doesn’t depend much on our relationships; it goes to our work. And when we are old, our survival is all dependent on how healthy we are.

But one of the major things that influence what becomes more important and when is time. With time, life pushes our circumstances to value one over the other. And the major point about life is that it ends.

We talked about the previous article, life comes in threes: the beginning, middle, and end. Birth, life, and death. We had nothing to do about our birth. There is nothing we can do about our deaths.

Relationships, work, and health are important only in relation to our short time on earth. Before we dig deeper into them, let us address the elephant in the room: we will all die. And that should not scare us; it should motivate us to make the most of life.

The fact that no matter what you do, want, achieve, or fail, you will die. No matter what country, region, religion, or group you are coming from, you will die. The fact that you do not know when and how you will die.

Death is life’s biggest motivation. It is such a strong force that it can paralyse some people into depression. Many become so afraid of it that they forget to think about it at all.

Marcus Aurelius, one of the top five emperors of Rome, wrote his well-known journal, Meditations.

“You could leave life right now. Let that determine what you do, say, and think.”

The emperor of the world’s mightiest empire thinks about death. This shows how strong the fear of death can be. He thought about death and realised that he needed reminders of how to feel, what to think, what to say, and what to do.

Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, said in his famous commencement speech at Stanford that

“When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it were your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”

I lost three friends around my age in ways that caused deep heartbreak. I felt connected to the words of Steve Jobs and Marcus Aurelius during those tough times.

The first friend passed away in his sleep at home, surrounded by a sense of calm. He had no medical issues, illnesses, or accidents. He was someone I studied with in high school and university. Someone who had so many ambitions and plans, hard-working, charming, and very humble. I always tell myself I could be next, any time.

The second friend died after saying he had stomach pain all afternoon. When taken to hospital, they said nothing was wrong; two hours later, he passed away. He planned to marry next month. He also ran a successful stationery business at the University of Dar es Salaam. That can be you next, anytime with any pain that you feel.

My third friend, who was fine during the day, started complaining of pain in the evening. They took him to the hospital, but he died before he could reach it. I studied with him at university. He had a great job at an international bank. Plus, he has got married a few months ago. That can be any one of us.

Knowing that death is near should inspire you. It’s a reason to avoid laziness, stop procrastinating, and steer clear of wrongdoing. Don’t hurt others or give up. Instead, take smart risks and always do your best.

Understanding that death can come at any time should inspire you to be a good person. It encourages humility, gratitude for what you have, and a desire to help others. Also, it reminds you to be mindful and make a positive impact on your society.

Realising that you could die at any moment should push you to work harder. Put in long hours and don’t give up after failure. Focus on making your dreams a reality in this short, uncertain life.

When we talk about the most important things in life—relationships, work, and health—it’s key to remember our mortality. That is like the fuel needed for our car.

Remember life by reflecting on death. Visit cemeteries, attend funerals, and read scriptures about mortality. Instead of feeling afraid or sad, let these reminders inspire you. Live with intensity and embrace this brief, uncertain gift.

In the next article, we will explore key aspects of relationships. We’ll cover basic principles and share best practices for living a meaningful and sustainable life.

Until then,

Think Deeply, Live Deliberately.

Watushule

Nilimuuliza,

“Je, uliipitia kazi yako mara tatu?”

Akanijibu,

“Kwa nini mara tatu?”

Mwanzoni nilidhani anatania. Lakini nikagundua alikuwa anauliza kwa dhati kabisa.

Nikaanza kumweleza hadithi ya nilipojifunza kwa mara ya kwanza umuhimu wa kupitia kazi mara tatu.

Wakati nipo mwaka wa pili chuo kikuu cha Dar es Salaam, nilijiunga kwenye mafunzo kwenye kampuni ya KPMG Tanzania, mojawapo ya kampuni nne kubwa za ukaguzi duniani. Siku yangu ya kwanza kazini, nilipangiwa mfanyakazi mwenye uzoefu anifundishe na kuniongoza aliyeitwa Jeromini.

Alinipokea kwenye timu yake, kisha akaniambia jambo ambalo sijawahi kulisahau:

“Katika kila kazi—iwe ni ukaguzi au maisha—pitia kazi yako angalau mara tatu. Hakuna anayefanya kazi vizuri mara ya kwanza. Mara ya kwanza unapitia ili kuipanga. Mara ya pili unapitia ili kuona makosa ya wazi. Na mara ya tatu…”

Akasimama kidogo…

“…ni kuona makosa ambayo si rahisi kuyaona.”

Dada yangu alitabasamu kusikia stori ile na akaenda kuipitia kazi yake mara tatu. Aliona thamani yake mara moja.

Lakini swali lake lilibaki akilini mwangu.

Kwa nini tatu?

Nilivyozidi kufikiria, ndivyo nilivyozidi kugundua kuwa namba tatu inaonekana mara nyingi katika mambo muhimu ya maisha.

Kwa ujumla, maisha yana hatua tatu: mwanzo, katikati, na mwisho.

Viumbe hai hupitia mzunguko huo huo: kuzaliwa, kuishi, na kufa.

Hata vitu visivyo hai vinafanana: kuundwa, kuwepo, na kuharibika.

Na ukitazama kwa makini zaidi, utaona muundo huu kila mahali:

Zamani, sasa, na baadaye.

Akili, mwili, na roho.

Fikra, hatua, na matokeo.

Nidhamu, mwendelezo, na mafanikio.

Mtu, familia yake, na jamii yake.

Moja ya maeneo yanayovutia zaidi ni hisabati na uhandisi. Kuna maumbo mengi katika hisabati, lakini moja ya maumbo yenye nguvu na uthabiti zaidi ni pembetatu. Wahandisi na wajenzi hutegemea kanuni za pembetatu kwa sababu inabaki imara hata inapokabiliwa na nguvu. Ina pande tatu—na hizo ndizo zinazoipa uimara.

Hapo ndipo nilipoanza kufikiria kuhusu maisha yetu.

Sote tunatafuta nguvu na ubora

Sote tunatafuta uthabiti na uimara

Na maisha yetu yapo kati ya kuzaliwa na kufa.

Dhana hizi mbili zina kitu kimoja cha pamoja: namba tatu.

Inaonekana kwamba maisha thabiti, bora, imara na endelevu yanajengwa juu ya nguzo tatu:

Mahusiano.

Kazi.

Afya.

Nguzo hizi tatu zinaunganishwa kama pembetatu. Udhaifu katika moja yao huathiri nyingine zote. Kama maisha yako yanahisi kutokuwa sawa, kuna uwezekano mmoja wa nguzo hizi hauko sawa.

Mahusiano yanaweza kugawanywa katika familia na ndugu, mwenzi wa kimapenzi, na marafiki. Kila sehemu inaweza kujenga au kubomoa maisha ya mtu. Talaka, kuvunjika moyo, usaliti, au migogoro ya kifamilia inaweza kuathiri afya na kazi.

Kazi nayo inaweza kugawanywa katika sehemu tatu: kazi unayofanya kwa ajili ya kipato, kazi unayofanya kwa ajili ya mapenzi ya moyo, na kazi unayofanya kwa ajili ya kukua. Ni nadra kupata mtu ambaye ana vitu vyote vitatu kwa pamoja. Wengi wana kimoja au viwili. Hii ndiyo sababu watu wengi huhisi kutoridhika katika kazi zao—na hali hii huathiri pia mahusiano na afya.

Afya nayo ina vipengele vitatu: mwili, akili, na roho. Mwili unapokuwa dhaifu, kila kitu kinakuwa kigumu. Akili ikiwa si thabiti, maamuzi yanaharibika. Na roho ikipuuzwa, maisha yanaweza kuonekana hayana maana hata kama mambo mengine yanaonekana sawa.

Kwa hiyo, tumetambua vipengele vitatu muhimu vya maisha: mahusiano, kazi, na afya.

Hatua inayofuata ni kuvichunguza kwa undani zaidi, na kupata hekima ya vitendo na uzoefu utakao tusaidia kujenga maisha yenye uthabiti na mwelekeo.

Kama maisha yako hayako sawa, tafuta nini kinakosekana katika hizo tatu.

Na usikubali hitimisho hili moja kwa moja. Simama kidogo na jiulize:

Je, ni kweli?

Je, kina msaada?

Je, kinaendana?

Katika makala zijazo, tutachunguza kila kipengele kwa kina zaidi.

Fikiri kwa kina. Ishi kwa makusudi.

Watushule

“Did you review your work three times?” I asked.

“Why three times?” she replied.

At first, I thought she was joking. Then I realised she was genuinely confused.

So I told her a story about when I first learned the value of reviewing work three times.

In my second year at the University of Dar es Salaam, I joined KPMG Tanzania, one of the Big Four auditing firms in the country and the world. On my first day, my supervisor assigned me a mentor: Mr Jeromini.

He welcomed me to the team and said something I have never forgotten:

“In every task, whether in audit or in life, review your work at least three times. No one does a good job the first time. The first review is to organise your work. The second is to catch the obvious errors. The third is to find the less obvious mistakes.”

My younger sister smiled and went away to review her work three times. She immediately saw the value in it.

But her question stayed with me. Why three?

The more I thought about it, the more I realised how often the number three appears in the things that matter most.

Life itself moves in three stages: beginning, middle, and end.

Living things follow the same pattern: birth, life, and death.

Even non-living things seem to pass through their own version of the same cycle: formation, existence, and destruction.

And once you start paying attention, you begin to see this pattern everywhere:

Past, present, future.

Mind, body, spirit.

Thought, action, outcome.

Discipline, consistency, results.

Individual, family, society.

Ready, steady, go.

One of the most fascinating examples is found in mathematics and engineering. There are many shapes in mathematics, but the triangle is one of the strongest and most stable. Engineers and builders rely on triangular structures because a triangle holds its form under pressure. It has three sides, and those three sides create strength.

That made me think of life.

We all seek strength.

We all seek stability.

And our lives unfold between birth and death.

Both ideas point back to the same number: three.

It seems to me that a stable and sustainable life is built on three pillars:

Relationships.

Work.

Health.

These three pillars connect like a triangle. When one weakens, the whole structure is affected. If your life feels unstable, there is a good chance that one of these pillars is out of place.

Relationships can be broken down into family and relatives, romantic partners, and friends. Any one of these can shape or shake a person’s life. Divorce, heartbreak, betrayal, or family conflict can spill over into both health and work.

Work can also be broken into three parts: the work you do for money, the work you do for passion, and the work you do for growth. It is rare to find all three fully aligned. Most people have one or two, but not all three. That is why so many people feel restless in their work. And unstable work often affects both relationships and health.

Health, too, comes in three dimensions: body, mind, and spirit. If the body is weak, movement becomes difficult. If the mind is unhealthy, judgment becomes distorted. If the spirit is neglected, life can begin to feel empty, even when other things appear to be working.

So we have identified three essential parts of a stable life: relationships, work, and health.

The next task is to explore each of them more deeply, and to uncover the practical wisdom and lived experience that can help us strengthen them.

If your life feels unstable, look for what is missing in your three.

And do not accept my conclusion too quickly. Pause and ask yourself:

Is it true?

Is it useful?

Is it aligned?

In the coming articles, we will explore each of these pillars in greater detail.

Think Deeply. Live Deliberately.

Watushule